


Hyper-Illumination through New Media

by Matril



Category: Lizzie Bennet Diaries
Genre: F/M, Internal Monologue, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-17
Packaged: 2017-12-16 21:52:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 26,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/867006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matril/pseuds/Matril
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What Darcy learns from watching Lizzie's videos, and how it changes him. Companion piece to "Editing."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

60

The first of Lizzie's videos that Darcy watched was also the first one that had him in it.

He didn't intend it that way. He would have preferred to start from the beginning, in the proper order, just like he did everything in his life. It would be a gross understatement to say that nothing worked out the way he planned when it came to Lizzie Bennet.

After her blunt rejection of him, he spent several days in a chaotic haze. Not that she hadn't already thrown his life into chaos, but whereas before the thought of Lizzie was confusing and alluring, it was now exquisitely painful on top of that. He did his work – thankfully, the report on Collins and Collins required very little actual attention and could have been finished in a matter of days if not for other distractions – and spent most of his remaining waking hours on long, intense bike rides, futilely attempting to outrun the emotions that plagued him.

He took particular care to avoid any chance of encountering Lizzie in the halls of Collins and Collins. He spoke with very few people, and then only if absolutely necessary. His conversations with Fitz were highly one-sided.

"Hey, Darcy, you okay?"

"No."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Anything I can do?"

"No."

He knew that eventually he would have to confront the reality of her videos. Whatever they were, Lizzie's blurted statement and subsequent discomfort would imply that they were highly revealing when it came to her perception of him. Revealing in a profoundly unpleasant way. Could anyone blame him for shying away from it?

But that was cowardice, and he despised cowardice, most of all in himself. So after several miserable days had passed, he entered Lizzie Bennet's name into a search engine.

There was no mistaking whether he had found the right Lizzie Bennet. There was her face, attached to both a Twitter handle and a Youtube account. The most natural place to find her videos would be on Youtube, of course, but he delayed the inevitable by going to Twitter first.

It was there he discovered dimensions to Lizzie that he had been utterly unaware of – a horde of loyal followers, her friendly replies to them, and the positively explosive response each of her videos received. This was clearly a significant part of her life, and he had been utterly unaware of it.

Should he follow her? It might be intrusive; it would certainly be unwelcome. Still, judging from how many followers she had, she might not even notice. He argued with himself for a long time before finally going through with it.

Then, bracing himself, he clicked on the link in her most recent tweet, ominously labeled "Are You Kidding Me?"

He watched the video in stiff silence, then closed the browser window and stood up, too angry to stay still. It wasn't enough for her to humiliate him in private; she had to broadcast it for hundreds – he checked the view count and amended himself – thousands of strangers to watch and deride him. She willfully misunderstood his character and presented it as absolute truth instead of an ill-informed opinion. She had told him to watch her videos so he would learn her true feelings toward him? Well, now he knew. That should make her happy.

After half an hour of fuming his anger cooled somewhat, and he had to remind himself that he had not yet seen any of the videos she was actually referring to. It seemed unnecessary at this point, but he might as well be thorough. Best to start at the beginning.

1

There was no mention of him in the first video, though Bing's name came up almost right away. Was Bing aware of these videos? Surely not. He would have mentioned it to Darcy.

He would have moved on to the next video without any further deliberation, but not for the first time, his interest was unwillingly captivated by Lizzie's unique energy and enthusiasm. Her impression of her mother was exaggerated but accurate, not to mention highly amusing. How many times had he found himself in danger of cracking a smile at Lizzie's lively sense of humor?

He had to admit that if he stumbled across this video with no context, with no knowledge of who Lizzie was, he would have clicked onto the next installment.

2

As with Lydia in the first video, Jane's debut appearance did little to alter his opinion of her. The eldest Bennet was kind to everyone, anxious not to offend, and responded to almost everything with a kind of generic happiness. Lizzie, with her dramatic flair, had attributed far more weight to her relationship with Bing that had actually been there.

And the younger sister was noisy and irritating as always, which Lizzie freely acknowledged in her videos. With "energetic" he had been far kinder to Lydia than Lizzie herself, though he admitted (thinking of certain caustic exchanges with Gigi) that siblings did have more allowance in what they called each other than outsiders would.

He recalled with a twinge how Lizzie's face had altered when he brought up her family in the most recent video. Perhaps his words cut deeper than he intended.

3

With the second instance of costumed portrayals of Lizzie's parents, Darcy could not help admiring the innovation of her storytelling. It was engaging in a manner that a mere recitation of events could not match.

He already knew she was clever. He was only now realizing she was brilliant.

4

The title of the next video made Darcy cringe, but the inappropriateness of Lizzie's title choices was quickly swallowed up at the first mention of him. She had been disinclined to like him before ever meeting him. Perhaps he never stood a chance when his very name disgusted her, when her hatred was altogether arbitrary. She had determined that she would dislike him, and that was that. He couldn't have done a thing about an impression that was formed before they met.

This should have made him feel better, that at least it wasn't his fault. But Lizzie's words from her most recent video came back to him and reminded him that it wasn't that simple.

5

After the first few seconds of the next video, Darcy had to stop, push away from the desk and take several deep breaths. He hadn't been at all prepared for that sort of close-up.

Somehow he managed to continue, and the remainder of the video confirmed his impression that Lizzie was attempting to project more meaning onto Jane and Bing's relationship than was truly there. Which was surprising, considering how much Lizzie objected to Mrs. Bennet's pushiness regarding the pairing. Jane herself seemed uncomfortable, and Darcy pitied her for being caught in the middle.

He didn't like the look on Lizzie's face when Jane brought him up just before the video ended.

6

Lydia's portrayal of Bing was utterly ludicrous, but Lizzie's rendition of him was hardly more accurate. The bowtie and cap seemed an arbitrary costume choice, but then, so was the antiquated physician's mirror for Bing. Darcy had more significant matters to take issue with. She put words in his mouth that he couldn't imagine speaking, and those that he might reasonably have said were presented in such a stiff and pompous manner as to make him appearing downright boorish.

Clearly, she was determined to hate him from the start and saw everything about him as proof that she was right.

7

He had no sooner convinced himself that Lizzie's hatred was unfounded than the next video proved the flimsiness of that conviction.

As painful as it was, Darcy was forced to watch this one more than once. He couldn't dismiss this. He had to absorb every detail of how she related their first encounter. Lizzie, he had to admit, didn't take much poetic license while recounting their dance together. Those were his exact words, as sparse and curt as she represented them, and it was true that he had not been a particularly gracious dance partner.

He made excuses at first. He had not chosen to dance with her; it was forced upon him. And she had been just as unwilling a partner –

But then, unwilling as she was, she at least attempted some form of conversation, being gracious and patient even amid her annoyance. Such social niceties might be frivolous and tiresome, but the alternative was rudeness. And he had been rude. There was no denying it. He had been uncomfortable, weary of a long day spent in the company of strangers, but that was not an excuse for rudeness.

He had entirely forgotten his words to Bing afterwards. They were spoken off-handedly as a way to get his friend to leave him alone, so he wouldn't be expected to engage in more awkward dancing. He had no idea Lizzie overheard it.

For most of the video Lizzie's face was suffused with anger, disgust, annoyance. But for one instant, an instant that seared its way into Darcy's mind with horrible permanence, her expression revealed that she was hurt. So much that she remembered the exact wording of that callous phrase months later.

Had he thought her merely decent enough then? It was possible. She wasn't glamorous or flashy with a beauty that instantly captivated. His admiration of her had risen from her behavior, her excited discussions, her dancing eyes, until he came to believe her the most beautiful woman he had ever known. It had happened bit by bit, over time, not in a single dazzling instant.

He had used that first instant, instead, to wound her deeply.


	2. Chapter 2

8

Darcy could barely summon the emotional fortitude to go on to the next video, which he watched in a sort of resigned numbness. One statement stood out to him in stark relief. It was not when Lizzie referred to him a second time as "handsome," coupled as it was with "rich," "single" and a healthy dose of dripping sarcasm for her mother's simplistic criteria. It was not from Lizzie at all. It was something from Charlotte's interpolation.

_Lizzie hates changing her mind._

Charlotte was referring to Lizzie's opinion of Bing, but Darcy could easily project it onto himself, with all the dreary implications. It was little consolation that Charlotte actually offered a defense for his anti-social behavior. It had no effect on Lizzie's opinion of him.

9

But she was so intelligent and independent-minded; it was irresistible. He watched this video multiple times partly because there was no mention of him and therefore no pain in that regard, but mostly because he found new reasons to love and admire Lizzie. He had encountered far too many women who pretended to like him when they were in fact solely interested in his wealth and status. Lizzie hated him, but at least she was genuine.

10

Then he had another painful revelation; surprisingly not about Lizzie. Jane's reaction to getting flowers from Bing was not the mild, polite gratitude he would have expected. She was openly excited. Had he really been mistaken about her? He couldn't form a substantial conclusion from just one moment, but it was enough to doubt. He was all the more guilt-ridden when Jane, too, defended him against Lizzie's attacks.

11

Darcy remembered this dinner at Netherfield, though his perception of it was so far from Lizzie's they hardly resembled each other. It was not a comfortable evening for him either; social gatherings of any sort seldom were comfortable for him. But Bing was the flawless host as always, drawing out conversation as easily as breathing.

"So, Lizzie, Jane tells me you're studying mass communications? Uh, what exactly is that?"

Lizzie gave a short laugh. "Do you really want to know? Because once I get started, I could go on for hours."

With a chuckle Bing said, "How about the condensed version."

And Lizzie launched into an enthusiastic, rambling description of her studies. At the beginning of it Darcy was hardly listening, trying to ascertain just how long this dinner would drag on. By the end of it he was following every word. Some minutes after she had finished and Bing deftly shifted the discussion to Jane's fashion interests, Darcy realized his gaze was still on Lizzie, and he had to direct his eyes hurriedly downward before she noticed.

He wouldn't say that his thoughts were romantically inclined at that point. He was intrigued, but also annoyed by her. Lizzie was opinionated to the point of abrasiveness, and he had seen enough of her mother to associate that trait with some sort of familial likeness. The idea of making overtures to her was still ridiculous.

Charlotte's explanation of Jane's generic pleasantness only gave further fuel to his growing guilt regarding her and Bing. This was getting uncomfortable in more ways than one.

He stood up, stretched, checked his pocketwatch and sank back into his chair. Nearly an hour since he started. How many more? Nearly fifty. Could he afford to skip or skim a few?

It didn't matter. Once he started, he had to watch every minute. It might be the only way he would see Lizzie from now on.

He leaned back in and noticed that his Twitter account was still open. All those mysterious followers who flooded his account back in April – now it made sense. They were probably expecting something from him. In a fit of sardonic resentment, he wrote _Well. Certain things are starting to make sense._

Lizzie probably wouldn't notice it, but his followers might relay it on to her. Let her think what she would.

12

Jane's kindness was all the more galling when it couldn't extend beyond "tall" in reference to him. Darcy could see, now, that Lizzie had particular cause to feel offended by him, but had he really been so off-putting to everyone he met in their little town?

More importantly, would he even care one way or the other if it hadn't mattered to Lizzie?

He prided himself on doing the right thing, on making ethical choices in both his business and personal affairs. He rarely put much stock in what people thought of him, because it seemed to have little connection to whether he was doing the right thing or not. It now occurred to him that the actual act of showing friendliness could constitute doing the right thing. That his non-social behavior was not merely off-putting, but actually hurtful.

He pressed onto the next video with a grim determination to see this through.

13

Darcy had never learned exactly what happened at that dinner Bing and Caroline attended at the Bennets'. Bing just laughed nervously and said Jane had a really colorful family, and Caroline pouted and said, "Oh, please don't force me to relive that unbearable ordeal." He didn't care enough to pry beyond that.

14

But he remembered joining them at the bar afterwards. He had been highly disinterested in the invitation, preoccupied as he was with Gigi's concerns, until Bing mentioned that the Bennet sisters were there. Darcy told himself he had a detached interest in Lizzie merely as an oddity of intelligence and ambition in such a backwards town, but it wasn't with detached interest that his gaze kept straying to her.

And what in the world possessed him to offer to join her in that ridiculous dance game? It was certainly for the best that she declined; he would have made a fool of himself. She was curt but polite when she said _no thanks_ , and he had no idea of the contempt that lurked beneath. He didn't feel particularly rejected at the time since he was afforded an engaging view of her solo dance – awkward, yes, but so enthusiastic and energetic he didn't even care.

Now he felt the full sting of that rejection.

15

Darcy almost skipped the next video entirely when he realized that Lizzie wasn't in it. Then he watched just enough to realize that it was about him.

He couldn't quite make out whether Charlotte and Jane were defending him or insulting him. The only clear thing was that his attentions toward Lizzie were apparent to others beyond his immediate circle, and that was just humiliating. Presumably Lizzie hadn't picked up on it because her mind was protecting her from the sheer horror of such a fact.

He vaguely recalled saying something to Caroline about the effect of Lizzie's eyes – not directly, of course, but enough that she got the message. The two of them had always had a peculiar relationship, ever since he and Bing first became friends. She seemed to think their interactions constituted outright flirtation, while he found her perpetual willingness to agree with him insipid and tiresome. They shared a contempt for silly people, but if not for her connection to Bing he would have had little reason to interact with her.

That comment about fine eyes was probably a mistake, since she spent the remainder of their time at Netherfield teasing him mercilessly about his "little crush," but at least she seemed to finally realize he wasn't flirting with her.

Lizzie, on the contrary, hadn't registered a single moment of his sorry attempts at flirtation.

16

He was miffed when Lizzie mocked the words that had only come from Charlotte's mangled interpretation of his exchange with Caroline, but he had to acknowledge that she also would have mocked what he actually said.

The feeling faded as he watched the interplay between Lizzie and her friend. She valued their friendship in a way that reminded him of his own friendship with Bing, wanting to look out for Charlotte but trying to respect her own opinions even when they diverged from her own. There was a pang in knowing that Lizzie would never acknowledge such similarities, but mostly he just found yet another reason to love her.

17-18

Darcy had to take another break. His hands had unconsciously seized up into fists; his jaw refused to unclench. He got up, paced out the stiffness in his legs, and went to stand before the bathroom mirror. Standing at the sink, gripping the counter, and wishing for some way to douse his mind of the way Lizzie's face altered – so, so pleasantly – while describing George Wickham. It would never alter that way for Darcy.

He wished he had followed his initial impulse weeks later to break Wickham's nose. No, never mind. That would hardly have improved his status in Lizzie's eyes. It would have been a temporary satisfaction resulting in further misery.

He cursed Wickham's existence, splashed his face with cold water, and headed back for more.

19

Was it absurd to love the look of Lizzie with her hair done up in a messy bun, yawning noisily? Or the sight of her grimacing over every bite of green bean gelatin? It didn't matter. This was his life now, all the order and certainty transformed into chaos and absurdity.

20

He had little patience for Lydia's brazen exuberance, but at least now he had some idea where Bing had gotten the idea for that party.

21

He had suspected it before, but after this video Darcy knew that Lizzie would have made a perfect addition to Pemerbley. Her talents, her ambition, her creativity - everything he valued in his employees, she had in abundance. Too bad he had burned that bridge so thoroughly.

22

It wasn't until Lizzie spoke of him with her habitual disgust that Darcy realized it had been several videos since he was mentioned. He was so numb at this point that it seemed a pleasure just to hear her say his name. He would take what he could get.

Fitz called him as he was about to start the next video. He almost didn't answer, but for his friend's sake he should probably at least assure him he was still alive.

"Hey, Darcy!" He was even peppier than usual, as if hoping that sheer energy would lift Darcy's spirits. "You okay?"

"We've already discussed this."

"No. Monosyllables don't count as discussing. Come on, man. You need to get out. Let's check out that Thai place tonight. My treat."

"Money is not an object for me," Darcy said with unusual vehemence. Perhaps if he weren't so prohibitively wealthy, Lizzie might have – no, there was no use in traveling down those hypotheticals.

"Whoa, okay. Pay if you want to. But let's do this. You need it."

"Fine," Darcy said after a long pause. "I'll meet you there at seven."

After hanging up, he checked the time. He had several hours. And against all his better judgment, he knew how he would spend them.

23-24

At least Lizzie had enjoyed the party at Netherfield, Darcy's presence notwithstanding. Meanwhile, he was once again forced to seriously question his interpretation of Jane's behavior. With a mother who was so pushy and shameless about her machinations, one could hardly blame Jane for being cagey about her actual feelings for Bing. And yet he had blamed her, and judged her indifferent.

25-26

Charlotte was critical of Lizzie's behavior toward Ricky Collins, but Darcy thought she showed remarkable patience and tact toward such an oblivious prat.

And the next video would be at Netherfield. His mind was involuntarily flooded with memories of that month….of his growing struggle, of the enticement that Lizzie had upon him…the stunning pleasure of seeing her smile, hearing her laugh...the spirited discussions they shared that always ended too soon…the countless moments he had to forcibly stop himself from gazing at her….the ridiculous thrill as he prepared for bed every night and contemplated her sleeping under the same roof, just a few hallways away….

It was not, of course, a time free from difficult memories. Many of those nights he hardly slept, tormented by feelings that had no place in his carefully ordered life, by a woman who should have held no interest for him whatsoever. He lived in dread of committing some rash act – touching her shoulder, speaking in a vulnerable tone that laid his feelings bare – that would mark a point of no return. Now that the worst had happened, that dread was inconsequential.

His dread leaned in a new direction – learning just how differently Lizzie perceived her time living in close proximity to Darcy.


	3. Chapter 3

27

Lizzie didn't waste much time before uttering a whole new set of insults about him, but Darcy forgot all of that once Caroline appeared.

He knew her well enough to recognize when she was being insincere. Duplicitous, as well. All this time she had kept the knowledge of the videos from both Darcy and her own brother. But what exactly was her aim? What did she hope to gain from this apparent friendship and secrecy with Lizzie?

28

Whatever she might have feared, Lizzie was never in any danger of having Darcy barge in on her while filming. He often roamed the house in the pathetic hope of encountering her and enjoying her smiles, but he avoided the guest room where she was staying at all costs. It was only because he knew he couldn't trust himself to venture near a place of such a personal and private nature. His inevitable flushed face would have betrayed everything his mind was concealing.

But _Bing_ had been captured on film, and he didn't even know it. (The interaction between him and Jane was charming in the oversweet way that had always characterized their relationship, and Darcy still maintained that it carried no evidence of real depth or a seriousness that would merit Lizzie's wrath at their breaking up.) Darcy was frowning at the ethical ambiguity of this video and for the first time began to think just a little bit less of Lizzie –

29

Only to discover that she was just as troubled by this problem in her next video.

Before she had resolved anything, along came Bing once more. How many times did he unwittingly appear on this vlog? It might be Darcy's duty to inform him of this. He would have to ponder on that.

But here again was evidence of the fragile nature of Bing's relationship with Jane. He was asking Lizzie for advice about movie selections rather than speaking with Jane directly. He let himself be guided in every particular, never asserting himself, too anxious for the approval of others. Perhaps the blame for their rift rested more upon Bing's shoulders than Jane's after all.

Caroline certainly had a way of making morally dubious things sound reasonable. And she wasn't wrong about Bing's easygoing nature. But her ultimate goal remained an enigma.

30

And here it was.

Caroline was pretending not to like Darcy to encourage Lizzie's hatred of him. Was that really necessary? Lizzie didn't need encouragement.

He remembered the conversation they were referring to, though he was startled at the obsessive quality with which both women fixated on his words. At the time, he thought they were having a lively discussion. He was intrigued by Lizzie's perception of her peers, and though they did not agree upon what constituted true accomplishment, he assumed they were both mutually enlightened by each other's opinions. Caroline seemed interested only in trying to flatter him and his sister. His attention was entirely upon Lizzie.

He had no idea she was so miserable at Netherfield. That he should be the primary cause of said misery was a heavy, sobering thought.

31

So Lizzie had noticed his frequent gazes. And completely misinterpreted them.

Misinterpreted their every conversation as well. He wasn't argumentative; he was assertive and not afraid to speak his mind, bluntly if necessary. She even acknowledged that she appreciated having someone to counteract Bing and Jane's perpetually agreeable natures. Yet she still perceived him as a painful presence. She turned down what would have been a lovely trip through wine country just to avoid him. Unwitting or not, he had hindered her enjoyment of many things while at Netherfield.

32

At least he and Lizzie shared the opinion that Caroline's ploy to walk around the room was absurd. Here he saw that Caroline's influence was less feeble than he had hoped. Lizzie seemed inclined to brush off their interaction as unimportant until Caroline goaded her into open anger. He had seen enough at this point to know that Lizzie would have gone on hating him without any assistance, but if there had been even the slightest chance of her views softening or altering, it was eradicated once Caroline came along.

And yet he could not summon up any anger at Caroline. Her efforts were pitiable, nothing more. His anger was gradually building up against a far more appropriate target - himself.

33

Ah, yes. The time he tried to get her to dance with him. With this humiliating incident thus revived, Darcy felt he would be perfectly happy to find some hole in the ground, bury himself in it, and remain there for the rest of his days.

He wanted to blame the misunderstandings entirely on Lizzie. He wanted to believe that only a willful blindness could have concealed his obvious interest in her.

It would have been a lie.

True, she was determined to view all of his behavior through the lens of her dislike, but that dislike didn't appear in a vacuum. He had given her reason for it. His efforts at warmth and kindness were sporadic and indirect; he could see that now. His desire to gain her attention had been constantly tempered by an annoyance that he should want her attention in the first place. He had been concerned entirely with his own conflicted feelings. Her feelings only mattered, he had thought, in relation to him.

34

Bing's ambivalence about Jane's feelings took on a different light now that Darcy had seen Jane in less guarded moments. This wasn't about Jane's indifference; it was about Bing's insecurity. Darcy recognized, however, that he was hardly in a position to criticize anyone's methods of courtship.

35

He let himself enjoy Lizzie's happiness at being home again and ignored the fact that it arose largely from being away from him.

36

Even Collins, obtuse as he was, knew about the videos?

37

Lydia's technique was disturbing but admittedly effective. Of all the bizarre images that played out during their parade of costumes, the one that unexpectedly stuck itself in his head was Collins as Darcy.

He was nothing like that idiot. Yet were they really so different in Lizzie's eyes? Both unwelcome intruders in her life, both unaware of her annoyance and dislike, both lacking in those social niceties that made one agreeable to others. Collins was boorish in ignorance and Darcy was boorish because he didn't bother trying to be personable. Reluctantly he had to acknowledge which one was more condemnable.

38

The next video compared Collins to a certain someone else, which ended with Darcy once again gripping the counter of the sink and trying vainly to unclench his jaw.

39

What if Darcy had attempted to offer Lizzie a position at Pemberley instead of his ill-fated romantic overtures? Would he have come across as presumptuous and condescending as Collins did? It didn't matter. He had done something much worse.

40-42

It wasn't too surprising how things turned out. Even if Darcy hadn't already known that Charlotte became Collins's partner, he could have seen it coming. Charlotte was savvy, pragmatic and knew how to take advantage of opportunities when they came her way. She also had a far greater tolerance for Collins's idiosyncracies than Lizzie did, which probably put her patience somewhere around saint-like levels.

That wasn't to say that he sided entirely with Charlotte, though he saw the merits of her choice. Lizzie's sense of betrayal was palpable. For the first time, he saw a misery in Lizzie that was unrelated to him, and he found himself wanting to comfort her. Found himself caring about her feelings when they had nothing to do with him.

It was irrelevant, since all of this had already come and gone and been resolved (not to mention he would have been a highly unwelcome comforter) but he retroactively ached for her.

43

Darcy recalled that week at the beginning of September when Bing started worrying that Jane was avoiding him. If he had just asked her, she could have explained Lizzie's need for a sister's comfort. Strange that a couple who had spent an entire night "just talking" had so much trouble communicating.

44

Of course George Wickham would re-enter his life at the worst possible moment. Darcy had already been in a bad mood that evening after seeing Jane's apparent flirtations with other men, but he had tried to set that problem aside for later so he could strike up a friendly conversation with Lizzie. Perhaps it was already a lost cause at that point, and then –

Wickham smirked at Darcy like he _knew_. Knew just how Darcy felt about Lizzie, and knew that he, in contrast, could win the affections of any woman he chose. And he chose to prey upon Lizzie.

45-46

_He was in her videos._ That pathetic excuse for a human being, that deceptive, two-faced pretender –

Wickham knew about the videos. Did he know about her fallout with Charlotte, and how vulnerable and lonely she was? He certainly had a history of finding vulnerability and exploiting it.

He talked about sullying names. He _dared_. Then he twisted the truth and outright lied and poisoned Lizzie's mind. He probably couldn't have found a more receptive audience. She was ready to believe any monstrosities about Darcy; she was _eager_ to believe.

He seethed with jealousy at every look they exchanged, at the coveted chance to be near her and touch her so casually and gain her smiles. He shut his laptop with a dangerous vehemence, paced the room and splashed a sinkful of freezing water into his face.

But jealousy was petty. Lizzie could not be happy with Darcy; that was clear. She deserved someone who did make her happy. When she did find that someone, he must be resigned and removed and glad for her sake.

He sat on the edge of the bed and forced himself to take several long, steady breaths. It was not a time for jealousy. It was a time to be concerned for Lizzie's well-being. Was she still involved with Wickham? Her impassioned defense of him would imply that, but he hadn't heard her mention him at any other point during her stay at Collins and Collins. If she had any contact with him - even if she didn't - she deserved to know the truth about him.

He filed this thought away for later perusal and went on to the next video.


	4. Chapter 4

47

It was still painful dealing with all Lizzie's mentions of Wickham, but more bearable with him not actually in this video. More pointed were her criticisms of Darcy and their second ill-timed dance.

He had known he might regret asking her to dance, fearing that her closeness and the feel of her hand in his might lead him to some foolish sentimental utterance. And yet he could not resist the chance of that closeness, of touching her hand.

No danger of sentimentality, as it turned out. He was nervous and therefore even stiffer than usual, and though he hadn't been aware at the time, now he knew that Lizzie was furious about his apparent wrongdoing toward her would-be date.

He didn't recall the details of their stilted conversation. His mind was already clouded by having her so near to him, and once she mentioned Wickham he was too angry to lend any coherence to further utterances. He only knew that the phrase _strikingly handsome_ had most assuredly not passed his lips.

That ought to have been the only low point of the evening, but between Mrs. Bennet's shameless parading of her daughter's relationship with Bing, and Jane herself engaging with another man, the party just kept getting worse and worse. The aftermath – informing Bing of what he and Caroline had witnessed – was downright excruciating.

He pushed away from the desk, leaning back in his chair. At the time Jane's indiscretion seemed extreme, but not entirely out of line with her tepid response to Bing. Now it made no sense at all. Could he have been mistaken in what he saw?

48

For once, Lizzie's references to George Wickham didn't put him in a seething rage. He was irritated that Lizzie had swallowed his ridiculous excuse for standing her up, but there were far more pressing concerns in this video.

When he and Caroline explained to Bing that Jane was clearly not invested in their relationship as he was, Bing was devastated. But his response was nothing compared to Jane's. All this time Darcy had assumed Jane's disinterest destroyed the relationship. It was clear now that far more blame rested on the other side.

49

So Lizzie suspected Darcy's influence on Bing's departure almost immediately, and considered him a villain for it. It didn't help that she had that manipulative charmer encouraging her suspicions.

And then Wickham just _left_? Darcy scowled at the screen, fists tightening once more. It wasn't enough to dishonor his father's legacy and break Gigi. He had to break Lizzie as well.

50

There was some consolation in the next video. Lizzie hadn't been nearly as entangled by Wickham as he had feared. Even when she learned he was engaging with other women, she was almost indifferent. Slowly his fierce tension eased. Darcy could no longer pretend he was able to accurately read her moods, but if anything, she seemed more embarrassed than wounded.

He was happy to see her reconcile with Charlotte, but then dread began to creep back into his mind. She was going to Collins and Collins. He knew what happened next.

Checking the time, he realized he would need to stop if he wanted to meet Fitz in a timely manner. He would need some preparation to make himself presentable for a public venue. His clothing was rumpled, his hair in disarray from constantly running frantic hands through it.

And his face. He examined himself in the mirror with a grimace. Eyes rimmed with red, dark circles underneath. He looked as if he hadn't slept in days. Or like he had spent the last near-five hours staring at a screen.

Well, there wasn't much to be done about that. Hopefully the Thai restaurant would be too dimly-lit for Fitz to notice. He washed his face, tamed his hair and smoothed out his clothing - and somehow resisted the urge to watch just one video. He was beginning to take a grim satisfaction in torturing himself.

Fitz was waiting for him just outside the restaurant. "Man, you look awful," he said frankly. So much for hiding anything from him.

"I've been better."

"Have you gotten any sleep at all?" Fitz asked as they started inside.

"Sleep, yes. Rest, not really."

Fitz nodded, clapping his shoulder in silent commiseration. He waited until they were seated and looking at menus before pressing for anything else. "What have you been up to all day, anyway?"

Darcy didn't look up from his menu. "Becoming better acquainted with Lizzie."

"Uh, she let you talk to her?"

"No. I've been watching her video blog."

Fitz didn't respond, which forced Darcy to drag his eyes up and examine his friend's face. He looked a little shell-shocked.

"Her….videos?"

"Did you know about them?" Darcy tried to keep any trace of resentment out of his voice.

"Yeah. Haven't seen them, though. Well, unless you count the ones I was in."

Fitz was in Lizzie's videos too. Of course. "You appeared in them but you haven't seen them?"

"She kind of told me not to watch them. Uh…how did you find out about them?"

"She told me to watch them." Darcy could not restrain a wince. "Among other things."

"Oh. Ouch." It was the most Darcy had revealed about his confrontation with Lizzie, and he wasn't sure if speaking about it was making him feel better or not. He doubted Fitz would allow any other topic of discussion for the remainder of their meal. He decided to order something he could eat quickly.

The server came by to get their drink orders, and Darcy went ahead and told her his choice of entrée as well to expedite the process. Fitz saw through him. After the server left he pointed a finger at Darcy and said, "You're staying here for at least an hour. I'm not letting you go before then, whether you're done eating or not."

"How kind of you to hold me captive."

"It's the kindest thing I've ever done. You'll thank me one day."

"I believe I've already said all that I'm going to say."

"Nope. I need to know. Lizzie said she was – uh, not so nice about you in her videos." Fitz fiddled with his flatware. "I know it's gotta hurt, but please tell me you haven't started hating her."

"Hating her?" He looked at Fitz in bewilderment. "Why would I hate her?"

Fitz lifted his eyebrows. "That's kind of what most people do when someone is really, really mean to them."

"You have not seen –" Darcy shook his head, too full of feeling to express himself properly. Staring at the table, he began haltingly, "It is impossible to watch Lizzie's videos and not be captivated by her. She is brilliant, entertaining, brimming with enthusiasm and passion. I thought I cared for her before, but it is nothing next to this."

"Okay," Fitz said after a pause, "I already knew you were a cool guy, but not holding a grudge, after all that? That's a big deal. Now I'm beginning to think she might not deserve you."

"Of course she doesn't. She deserves someone far better."

Darcy was glad their drinks arrived at that moment to break up their intense discussion. He could hide behind his glass long enough to somewhat compose himself.

"What exactly did she say about you, Darcy?" Fitz finally asked in a quiet voice.

"Very little that was unwarranted."

"Come on. Just let it out."

Darcy took a breath. "She said I was proud, stuffy, and rude. Condescending. Unpleasant."

"Well…" Fitz cleared his throat. "She didn't meet you under ideal circumstances. You weren't at your best."

"Don't make any excuses for me. I've had time to reflect on this. I deserved her censure."

"Okay, talking like that does make you sound stuffy. I'll give you that."

"It goes far deeper than that. I have been selfish, Fitz. I have not considered the feelings of anyone but myself."

"No way. Are you kidding? You're the most giving guy I know! You're always thinking of other people. What about me? What about your sister, and Bing?"

Darcy grimaced. "Ironic that you should bring up Bing. Lizzie blames me, not without reason, for destroying Bing and her sister's relationship."

"Wait. Oh, no." Fitz had gone pale. "Bing was going out with Lizzie's sister?"

"Yes. Did I not mention that?"

"Oh, no." Fitz buried his face in his hands with a moan. "Man, you are going to kill me."

Darcy waited patiently for Fitz to explain himself.

"You haven't watched all the videos yet?" Fitz gave him a guarded look. "Like, the most recent ones?"

"I believe I have nine more to watch before I'm caught up."

"Maybe you should skip the one from last week. Nah, that's not fair. I've gotta face the music. Just a warning, Darcy –" Fitz steeled himself. "I told her what you told me about Bing and her sister. Except I didn't know it was her sister."

This pronouncement had an underwhelming effect on Darcy. "You have no reason to worry, Fitz. I'm not angry at you. How could you know?"

"Seriously?"

"I'm sure you meant well." Darcy stared drearily into his glass. "I know where the blame truly lies."

After a silence Fitz finally said, "So what are you going to do about it?"

"What is there to do? We'll finish our report and leave. And I will not bother her again."

To Fitz's credit, he didn't press Darcy on this. When their meals arrived, they mostly ate in silence.

"This is pretty good," Fitz said at last, swallowing contemplatively. "How's yours?"

"I haven't the slightest idea," Darcy said with some dull surprise. "I seem to have lost my sense of taste."

"Hey, when you're done, you can go," Fitz said, more subdued now. "I'm not really going to hold you captive."

"Thank you. And Fitz." He attempted to soften his expression. "Thank you for your support. I do appreciate it."

Within minutes, he had finished and paid the bill. Promising to give Fitz a call the next morning so they could coordinate their reports, he left the restaurant, returned to his hotel room and dove back in.


	5. Chapter 5

51

Watching Lizzie's cheerful reunion with Charlotte did actually lift Darcy's mood. And he was impressed with how determined she was to make everything right with her friend. Considering said friend had claimed that Lizzie hated changing her mind, Darcy greatly admired her willingness to alter her view of Charlotte's choices. Lizzie even bore Collins's presence with nearly as much tolerance as her friend.

52

And she continued to impress him. Taking on those independent studies, in spite of all her apprehensions, evidenced considerable bravery. He had no doubt she was capable of anything she set her mind to.

There was also some satisfaction in seeing that Wickham had wounded nothing more than her pride. At least that worry had been alleviated.

53

Darcy had doubts about Collins's fiancé as well.

54

Over the course of mere moments, Darcy experienced a startling range of emotion, from the very depths of mortification to the heights of hilarity, then back to misery again.

Her videos had been so cheerful, and then the mere mention of him, as Aunt Catherine's nephew, ruined her mood. That was all it took. The only thing he brought to her life was pain.

After that, he wasn't expecting her impression of his aunt to send him doubled over in silent laughter, tears pricking at his eyes. No one had ever dared to mimic Aunt Catherine in all his memory. Lizzie's version was practically impeccable.

Then she compared him to his aunt's horrible dog, and his laughter subsided all too abruptly.

55

He re-watched the opening of this video several times, partly because Lizzie was irresistible when she was playful, and partly because he could guess what was coming and dreaded it.

He couldn't put it off any longer. He watched her glee drain away. He watched her beg with Charlotte not to make her go out and meet him. He watched her relent, grudgingly, and he watched the aftermath.

Her smiles, which had lifted his heart and filled him with hope, had been fake. She played nice only for Charlotte's sake and detested every moment of their encounter. What Darcy thought was a considerate inquiry after her family was received like a slap in the face. Her question, in turn, was not an awkward reference to a defunct relationship, but a veiled accusation about his involvement in the matter. He hadn't known how to respond because he assumed that Lizzie knew of Jane's indifference. She had translated that into a robotic inability to comprehend basic social cues.

The end was near.

56

And here was Fitz's first video. Darcy braced himself, but this didn't seem to be the one with the inadvertent revelation. Fitz was rather heavy-handed with his hints about Darcy, though. He had picked up on Darcy's interest in Lizzie right from their arrival at Collins and Collins and assured him, "Don't worry, I've got your back," without asking whether Darcy wanted that kind of help.

It didn't matter. A few friendly words could not counter months of bad behavior.

57

He cringed at the recent memory of this encounter, though it had been quickly supplanted by a worse encounter the next week. He had come to see Lizzie with no idea what he would say or do, knowing only that he had to take some action before the feelings that plagued him drove him to insanity.

He resolved that he would at least ask her to dinner, but just a few minutes in her presence rendered him mute. How could he think to spend an entire evening with her if she took away his ability to speak within moments?

He hadn't even registered her annoyance while he gave a curt answer about Bing. And when she started rhapsodizing about Charlotte's accomplishments, the warmth on her face left him speechless once more. He left with his torment still unresolved.

58

No, he wasn't angry with Fitz. He was angry at himself, with previously unknown levels of intensity. Lizzie was in pain because someone hurt her sister. He knew what that felt like. Gigi's anguish, in many ways, had been worse than being hurt himself. And much as Bing's passivity and lack of confidence was to blame, Darcy could not deny that his interference played a role. A role in Lizzie's pain.

59

He wished he hadn't eaten dinner at all when he clicked on the next video and found his stomach twisting into a nauseating knot. The date it was posted, the outfit she was wearing – they told him with cruel certainty what was coming next.

If he had intentionally planned for failure, he could not have chosen a worse time to make his confession. And it was all from selfishness. He had thought only of himself. For months he had struggled in vain to suppress his feelings. His attempts at mild overtures offered no relief. He saw no other way to end his suffering than to lay bare his affections. But during all this thought process, all the formation of his resolve, did he once consider how it might affect Lizzie? He thought she would be startled but gratified. It never occurred to him that his attention would be unwelcome – that his mere presence was causing her pain. He never considered her at all. He was in love with her, and yet he never gave a single thought to her feelings.

60 – Re-watch

As penance he watched the last video again. What an alteration there now was from his earlier response. His anger had long faded; he was only ashamed, contrite, sadly enlightened as to the justice of her accusations.

How inconsiderate and rude he had been. He asked if she was all right and ignored her answer. He commanded her to sit. He prefaced his declaration with insults and reservations. He responded to her rejection with anger and wounded pride. He never even considered complimenting her.

The remainder of their exchange played out like a slow-motion trainwreck. By the time he had finished venting his frustration about her family, his anger draining into a too-late apology, he had no wherewithal to address her ridiculous claims about Wickham. And then the horrible, horrible ending that had brought him here, nearly a week later, wiser and humbler and more in love with Lizzie than before.

If only he had known….if only he had realized….the hypotheticals mocked him, and he found himself pounding out another tweet. _Somehow clichés about the accuracy of hindsight are not a comfort._

Then he shut his laptop, washed and changed and climbed into bed.

He slept late, which was very rare for him. It took most of the remaining morning to finalize the joint report with Fitz. It would have gone faster if he weren't so restless, distracted, unfocused – another rarity for him. He decided he needed another bike ride to clarify his thoughts and gave his messages a quick perusal before heading back to the hotel to change. Idly, he added a third tweet. _Given this new information, it seems I need to reevaluate a few things._ Seeing it in print helped to solidify the shape of his problem somehow.

Replies and retweets started almost instantly, and then he noticed they had been going on since yesterday. He suppressed a groan. His enigmatic tweets had attracted Caroline and Gigi's attention. He should have thought of that. Both women were regularly glued to Twitter.

He ignored Caroline for the time being. If she was still watching Lizzie's videos she was perfectly aware of what was going on. To his sister he responded _I'm actually headed out for a bike ride. Clear my head. Will call you tonight._

There was a long secluded stretch of road near Hunsford that served his needs nicely. The intense, rhythmic physical motions brought a focus and clarity to his mind after days of clouded confusion.

He knew what he needed to do.

It took him four drafts before he had a letter he could be satisfied with. He wanted to assure Lizzie from the start that he wouldn't be troubling her with any more unwanted confessions. He wanted to convey the consideration and deference to her feelings that he had failed to show before. But those were secondary concerns. They could be communicated just as effectively, and with far less pain, by removing himself from her life without further contact.

The primary concern was clarification regarding the few matters in which she had been mistaken, or at least had only partial information to work with. He began with the easier one. Acknowledging that her videos had shown him the greater depth of Jane's feelings, he explained that in contrast Bing was hesitant, uncertain and reluctant to assert himself. Considering how easily he had been led to leave Netherfield for Los Angeles, it was doubtful that his relationship with Jane could have withstood any serious pressures. He knew none of this would make Lizzie happy, but she deserved the truth, untarnished by equivocation.

Writing about George Wickham was far more grueling. He hesitated to reveal every particular, but hadn't he just decided she deserved the entire truth?

He related their childhood friendship and the subsequent estrangement that occurred when Darcy discovered a darkness that lurked behind Wickham's charming, easy manner. Darcy had already doubted his trustworthiness by the time he disbursed the college fund to him, but a desire to honor his father's memory led him to give Wickham the benefit of the doubt. Wickham responded by squandering the funds and demanding more. Darcy, still bearing the recent stinging wound of his parents' loss, responded with indignation and anger. They parted ways once more, and he hoped never to see him again.

Instead, he found him with Gigi.

He related his sister's involvement with Wickham only in sparse details. He would have left out her part entirely, were it not so crucial for Lizzie to understand his particular skill for exploiting women's vulnerability and finding exactly where they hurt the most. Gigi's was not the only heart he had broken. Darcy could only hope the danger had passed for Lizzie. He apologized for exposing her to such ugliness. He would not have done so if he hadn't believed it absolutely necessary. He knew he could trust her discretion. If she doubted the truth she was welcome to contact Fitz, though Darcy had to hope she would see truth enough in his own words.

He concluded simply, _I will not trouble you further. I wish you all the best in your life. You deserve nothing less. Sincerely, William Darcy._

It took him most of Sunday to work up the courage to find Lizzie and deliver the letter.


	6. Chapter 6

61

He spent much of Monday morning catching up on Pemberley business. He kept his phone shut off to maintain his focus, trying to make up for a near week of poor productivity. When he finally checked his messages around noon, he discovered that Fitz had called him four times.

He sighed and called him back.

"Did you see it?" Fitz asked without bothering with greetings.

"What?"

"The video."

"Lizzie put up a new video?"

"Every Monday and Thursday at 9. Come on, Darcy! I know you're Twitter-stalking her. How could you miss this?"

Darcy shifted uneasily at his desk. "I don't really care for the term _stalking_ , but how did you know about that?"

"Uh, she noticed. Didn't you see her tweets? "

"I've been working."

"This was three days ago. She noticed when you started following her."

Darcy's stomach seemed to fill with something heavy and unpleasant. "Was she unhappy?"

"Forget it, that was before the video. You have to watch it, man."

"Did she include me in it?" Darcy asked, not sure which answer he wanted to hear.

"Just watch it."

He could see he would get nothing more out of Fitz until he had obeyed him. "Very well. I will talk to you later."

He watched the exchange between Lizzie and Charlotte with a frown, finding little to console him. Lizzie was dismissive and irritated about the very idea of his affections, and the only thing that had changed was that she feared getting into trouble once he watched her videos.

She kept in his entire entrance. Darcy gave his behavior a ruthless scrutiny, searching for any trace of the prideful aloofness that had caused her so much pain. He was not satisfied with his efforts. Though he was more subdued than during their last meeting, he remained stiff and off-putting. He tried to assuage Lizzie's fears by the promise that he had no intention of suing her, but it only startled her. Couldn't he have attempted a greeting, even a gentle warning that he had entered the room?

The only time she genuinely smiled while he was present was after Charlotte told him off. He scarcely registered Charlotte's words himself, intent on delivering his letter in the least offensive manner possible. Lizzie's smile quickly faded once they were alone. She was more subdued as well, but it was a wary quiet, waiting for the Darcy-ogre she knew so well to re-emerge.

He was measured in his acknowledgement of her videos, quick to assure her that the insults did not anger him. He could find little deserving of censure in his behavior in that exchange, at least. And she had accepted his letter, even if it was only to expedite his departure.

But would she read it? His apology and halting steps out the door seemed to bewilder her.

Then she fulfilled his worst fear and tossed the letter aside in contempt.

Darcy almost picked up his phone to lambast Fitz. Why would he think –

No, she was going to read it after all. She was scanning the first few lines right now. Then her expression altered – he leaned closer, aching with anticipation – and she reached forward to shut off the camera.

62

Darcy did not need Fitz to tell him about Lizzie's next video. He was ready at 8:55 on Thursday morning, safely alone in his office, poised to click on the link when it appeared.

Their departure from Collins and Collins had been expeditious and uneventful. Fitz had actually asked for his advice – permission, even – about saying good-bye to Lizzie, a very Bing-like behavior that was completely out of character for him.

"Do whatever you please," Darcy said, but he could not resist adding, "though I have to fear that anything that reminds her of me could be painful."

"Got it," Fitz said. "I'll keep my distance for now. She's gotta be a little mad at me and my big mouth, anyway."

"I'm sure she's not," Darcy said distantly, switching the phone to his other ear as he pulled the zipper shut on his suitcase. Just how angry was she with Darcy after reading the letter? He longed to know, but he was not and never would be privy to the inner workings of her mind.

Would she speak of it? The question remained with him all through the long wait until Thursday, and he still couldn't be sure the video would provide the answer. The title indicated so, but her beginning words about her thesis made him doubt. Under other circumstances he would have wanted her to continue discussing her studies, which intrigued him on a professional as well as personal level, but right now he was just as impatient as Charlotte for Lizzie to mention the letter.

And yet he found her reluctance promising. It didn't seem to arise merely from an unwillingness to talk about him – she had certainly never been unwilling before. She was guarded. She was careful. That meant something, though he couldn't say exactly what.

He cringed at the thought of Lizzie's little sister witnessing his disastrous confession, and cringed even more at Mrs. Bennet's hypothetical reaction.

Then she finally came to the letter.

She found his explanation about Bing less than adequate. That was disappointing. But his nearly dormant hope began to revive when she came to the other matter. She believed Darcy. She realized she had been mistaken in that particular judgment. And as much as that knowledge made her uncomfortable, she accepted it.

She conveyed all of this without relating any particulars or breaking the confidences he had asked her to keep. Charlotte was dissatisfied with her caginess, but Darcy's respect for her grew, again, more than he had believed possible.

As Charlotte told her of his and Fitz's departure, he waited for relief to spread over her face. It didn't happen.

Was she _troubled_? Surely his absence could only make her happier. He couldn't understand it until he realized she was still worried, after all he had said and written, worried that she had offended him to the point of his doing something in vicious retaliation. Did she really think so little of his business ethics to imagine he would punish Charlotte and Collins to vent his wounded feelings?

No, she knew nothing of his business ethics. Why would she? And once she knew the report was favorable, then came the relief he expected.

As long as he had anything to do with it, Darcy intended to never bother her again.

He was a little bewildered by her tweet on Saturday. Bonus QA Video? He clicked on the link and began watching only to realize there were six previous question and answer videos he was unaware of. Including one with –

Somehow he got through that one without breaking anything. It was an act of supreme self-discipline.

63-64

After satisfying himself with regards to what Lizzie thought of his letter, Darcy supposed he should be done with her videos. Was it wrong to continue wanting to watch them? Was it really all that intrusive, when she was willingly broadcasting her life to the entire Internet?

And yet it did feel intrusive. He was not a stranger as most of her viewers. He had been an unwelcome presence in her life, and even if she didn't witness him viewing her videos, it might still be a sort of intrusion.

Once again it was at Fitz's urging that he clicked on the link in spite of himself. "You have to see this one, Darcy. This is going to make Thanksgiving awkward." And several days later, "Okay, _super_ -awkward. I'm gonna need to bake a lot of pies to smooth things over."

When had _Caroline_ flown into Hunsford? He had no doubt she was still watching the videos; nothing else would explain the particular timing of her visit. And Lizzie uncovered her deception with admirable deftness. It hadn't before occurred to Darcy what Caroline's knowledge of the videos implied in regards to Jane and Bing; he was too preoccupied with his own shifting understanding of the situation. But of course Lizzie was right; if Caroline had seen Jane's less guarded moments which revealed the depth of her feelings for Bing, she had acted with deceit in convincing him to leave Netherfield.

As for her motives in coming to Hunsford, Darcy could only assume she thought the letter contained something about her. She knew nothing about Wickham beyond a few vague references Darcy had made, so when Lizzie spoke of having to rethink her good opinion of someone with whom she no longer associated (yes, he had fairly well committed her latest videos to memory) Caroline might have assumed it referred to her. All of her attempts to pry were, of course, deftly deflected.

Yes, Thanksgiving would be very awkward indeed.

65

By the next Monday, it had become fruitless to try to avoid watching the videos. Darcy resisted for all of two minutes before bringing up her Twitter account to view the link.

_She addressed him directly._ He replayed the moment over and over, searching for hidden meaning, for subtext.

But perhaps he was over-thinking it. She was simply saying that she was resigned to, if not happy about, the idea of his watching the videos. It might be the closest he would come to getting her permission. Unless he counted her angry rhetorical question at the end of their confrontation. He preferred not to.

66

Darcy's activities on Thanksgiving consisted primarily of gingerly stepping around every important issue. He didn't bring up Jane to Bing, he didn't mention Lizzie to Caroline or Fitz, and he explained nothing at all to Gigi when he picked her up from the airport. He had deflected her questions for some weeks now, and it was getting harder and harder to fend her off. But when she pressed him again, he maintained that it was not the time for a serious discussion.

The bright spot of the day, surprisingly, was watching Lizzie's video.

Was Lizzie devious in her methods to get Collins to relent? He preferred to call it resourceful.


	7. Chapter 7

67

Darcy began to genuinely look forward to it, those two mornings a week when he was afforded three or four minutes of Lizzie. There were no longer any direct barbs at him, and she was usually buoyant, evidence that he had not permanently marred her happiness.

He was bemused to see that Lizzie was still holding out hope for Jane and Bing. Did she not recognize a lost cause when she saw it? He had himself decided against telling Bing about the videos. Lizzie had not authorized him to, and it could only cause further pain for everyone involved.

But she was done with Wickham. That was all that mattered.

68

Lizzie was uncomfortable when Charlotte pried about Wickham. He supposed there were many ways to interpret this, but he preferred to assume that she didn't want to betray his confidences or expose his sister. And she didn't betray or expose anyone. She offered just enough veiled explanation about the college fund to satisfy Charlotte, and that was it.

Did she express doubt about whether Darcy was telling the truth? It didn't bother him as much as he would have thought. It seemed less a matter of being distrustful of him and more a hesitancy to propagate stories without knowing whether they were true or not. She had been burned once before; he didn't blame her for being wary.

The admission that she was grateful for his letter put him in a cheerful mood for three days straight.

69

No Lizzie? Darcy closed the browser window in disappointment, paused, then opened the window again. Lizzie had criticized him for being so judgmental of her family. Forcing himself to see things from her little sister's perspective might be a way to make amends.

And the video, as grating as it was, did prove useful. For one thing, he saw how Lydia perceived Lizzie, at least in an exaggerated way via costume theater. He also had the bizarre entertainment of Jane's impersonation of Lydia.

Mostly, he learned that those at Netherfield had affected Lydia as well as Lizzie and Jane. And she had not appreciated the intrusion into her comfortable world.

Darcy had resolved two things after leaving Collins and Collins. The first, of course, was to leave Lizzie alone to ensure he would no longer infringe upon her happiness. But the other was to take serious stock of his patterns of behavior and begin to amend them. It was not out of some misguided attempt to "win her over," as Fitz would put it. After so much selfishness, he must now act regarding Lizzie only as far as it concerned her own happiness, never his.

It was not enough to behave well toward those he liked or had a vested interest in pleasing. He needed to behave better toward everyone, even someone like Lydia. It was a matter of principle.

70

Darcy had definitely made the right choice not to tell Bing about the videos. As fond as he was of his friend, Darcy was beginning to think that Jane deserved someone who was willing to actually assert himself for the sake of a relationship.

He was as taken aback as Lizzie when Jane intimated that she lacked courage. Of all the words he could have used to describe Lizzie, cowardly was certainly not one of them. Not that it did anything to lessen his opinion of her. She agreed to think about Jane's advice, and that in itself showed courage.

71

Darcy didn't know what to make of Lizzie and Lydia's interplay. It was nothing like the relationship between himself and Gigi. Of course it would be different for the Bennet sisters, with less of an age difference and the fact that Lizzie had not needed to serve as a solitary parent figure for Lydia. Still, was it typical for siblings to be so casually unkind to each other?

He was thankful Gigi had never shown an interest in throwing wild parties.

72

Speaking of Gigi, she had been calling him on a daily basis, demanding to know if it was finally time for that serious discussion. He finally placated her by promising the full story once they were at the resort for Christmas. He had less than two weeks to plan how to relate one of most difficult and yet most illuminating experiences of his life.

The video filmed during Lydia's party had a few unexpected bits of illumination.

He had to pause it partway through to tame the grin threatening to spread its way across her face. Lizzie said he had virtues. She said he had virtues _to George Wickham._

"Darcy's not so bad." Usually, that would hardly qualify as ringing praise. In this context, even with Mary's stilted delivery, it was cause for open rejoicing.

73-74

He wasn't rejoicing the next week when he witnessed the argument. It was as he feared. His thoughtless words had wounded Lydia. And now he was indirectly responsible for a rift between Lizzie and her sister. Lizzie must at least partly blame him for it. He deserved it.

He was choosing his words more carefully now, weighing the potential effect before speaking it. And he was trying to say more things that, while not of any practical purpose, might help to put people more at ease when they seemed intimidated by him. Hopefully, with time he would be able to improve future interactions. But there was no way to undo the damage of the past.

When Lizzie watched Lydia's video and was so visibly hurt by it, he realized he would need to search for the video and watch it himself. Short as it was, it was very difficult to get through. How long had this resentment been building up?

He had largely skimmed over Lydia's appearances on Lizzie's vlog. Her brazen exuberance was difficult for him to stomach. But that was no excuse.

Thankfully, his weekend was free. So he spent it re-watching all of Lizzie's videos that contained appearances from Lydia. He learned a great deal.

He spent the next few days finishing up any work that needed to be taken care of before Christmas and preparing for his trip with Gigi. On the 23rd he picked her up directly after her last class and they headed for the airport. His sister showed admirable restraint, at least for her, by waiting until they had arrived at their destination to demand that he tell her everything.

It did not take as long as he expected. He briefly explained how he and Lizzie had met, how he gave her ample reason to dislike him while he struggled with his own growing affections, how her rejection had confounded him, and how her videos had offered the painful enlightenment he required.

Gigi absorbed all of this with wide, sympathetic eyes, then said, "Can I watch them? Sorry, _may_ I?"

"You don't need my permission. They're not my videos."

"Still. Is it okay?"

"Yes. They will explain things more thoroughly than I can. But there are some you'll need to skip, I think."

"Why? Is she that mean to you?"

"No, it has nothing to do with Lizzie. There's someone else who appears in a handful of her videos."

"What, Bing? Caroline?"

He looked down. They hadn't spoken his name between them for months, and he preferred to keep it that way.

Gigi drew a sharp breath. "No. _Him_? Lizzie _knows_ him? She let him in her _videos_?"

"Only briefly. I'm happy to say there was no lasting damage. But you don't need to see it."

"I'm – I'm not made of glass, you know," she said falteringly.

He gave her a warm look. "Of course not. You've handled the whole incident with admirable strength. I just wanted to give you a fair warning."

His sister bounded up and gave him a suffocating hug. "Thank you. I love you, William. Any girl who doesn't like you is crazy."

"Not at all." He grimaced. "Upon our first meeting, I regarded the prospect of dancing with her as if she were infested with fleas."

"No! Really? It couldn't have been that bad – Oh, I'll just watch the videos and figure it out for myself."

"Go ahead," he said, indicating the phone she was already eagerly clutching in her hands.

"No, no, not now." She set down the phone firmly. "This is our time. I'll wait till we get back."

"Set aside a full day for it. There are more than a few videos."

75

While Gigi bustled around the kitchenette on Christmas Eve, boiling water for hot chocolate and producing a towering stack of toast, Darcy holed himself away in his room with his laptop and watched Lizzie's holiday greeting. His heart sank to learn that she and Lydia still hadn't mended their breach, but there was nothing he could do about it other than keep well away from their family and not inflict any more harm than he already had.

He did have to admit some pleasure at hearing Lizzie speak his name without rancor or judgment.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading. We're at Pemberley now; hooray! Hope you enjoy it.

76

Darcy and Gigi took separate flights back, as he was heading straight to Los Angeles. Business there kept him so occupied he didn't have the chance to watch the next video until late Thursday afternoon. Even then, he could only watch with half his attention while he composed an email to Reynolds about next week's schedule.

Until the very end.

Darcy's rapid typing instantly ceased, his fingers frozen over the keyboard. He seemed in fact entirely incapable of movement. With agonizing slowness, he forced himself to move the cursor and replay that last moment, just in case he had hallucinated it.

No, he had heard correctly. Pemberley Digital. She didn't recognize it; of course she didn't, or she wouldn't have agreed to the placement. Judging from Charlotte's expression, Lizzie's ignorance hadn't lasted longer than it took to turn off the camera.

What would she think? Would she refuse to go, insist on finding another company to shadow? Likely. It would forestall a great deal of awkwardness for both of them. And yet a part of him could not deny a sense of pleasant anticipation at the thought of Lizzie coming to Pemberley.

He would take great care to keep his distance, and she could enjoy the benefits of his company without the displeasure of his presence. She might even see a tolerable side of him as manifested by the business he ran – but no, that was too much to expect. He should be content with the idea of not causing her pain.

All of this was moot if Lizzie changed her plans. By now she must know the truth, and may have acted upon it. He returned to his email to Reynolds and formulated a new draft that included a question – casual, he hoped – about any internships or shadowings that had recently been approved.

Reynolds usually replied promptly, but it would take at least a little time to research his question. In the meantime, it was a lost cause to get anything else done. He scanned his Twitter feed and found no explanatory tweets from Lizzie – but his eyes fell instead upon a highly revealing exchange.

Assuming he was correctly interpreting their veiled references, Gigi and Fitz were discussing the latest video, and Fitz as good as acknowledged that he had arranged Lizzie's shadowing. It was well within his power to do so. And all without Darcy's knowledge.

He got up, walking out his nervous restlessness, and couldn't decide whether to be annoyed or exasperated or pleased. Lizzie at Pemberley was an unknown factor, something that carried the potential for both a positive and a negative outcome. It was highly presumptuous of Fitz to manipulate things like this.

Gigi had been tweeting even more often than usual. Darcy looked at her history and realized she had commented frequently while watching Lizzie's videos the day before. She had been far more openly expressive about her reactions than he had been. He was bemused, but glad to see that Fitz had been in contact with her, especially in regards to the videos with Wickham. She shouldn't have to endure that alone.

Darcy hadn't had the chance to speak with her since coming to Los Angeles, other than a brief confirmation that each had arrived safely at their destinations. He would need to give her a call tonight. He would also be having a word with Fitz.

Then Reynolds' reply appeared, and he opened it with an almost childish eagerness.

Yes, there was Lizzie's name, listed as beginning her shadowing on January 4th. Unless something changed over the course of the next week, she would be coming to Pemberley.

A week without videos, and then she would be at his company. Darcy didn't know how he would get any work done at all.

Somehow he managed, though he had a highly unexpected distraction in the form of a new Twitter follower. He frowned at the notification, at a loss as to how to interpret it. Surely Lizzie wasn't attempting to initiate contact with him. And she could not be so interested in his infrequent tweets. With some horror he wondered if she would peruse his history and discover some of the less-than-flattering things he had said about her hometown while communicating with Bing and Caroline during their stay at Netherfield.

But why, after all? What possible reason could she have for following him? Perhaps it had some correlation with her impending arrival at Pemberley. Yes – yes, naturally, she was hoping to avoid running into him. Well, he could set her mind at ease. His business in Los Angeles was unlikely to conclude for at least another week or so. He composed a tweet that said as much and willed himself not to think any further on it.

He thought about it every moment.

Thanks to her tweets, he knew when she arrived in San Francisco, when she started her first day at Pemberley, and when she filmed her video that Friday. He also found himself obsessing over words like "amazing" and "eventful and unexpected." They were tantalizing hints, and they made the weekend seem to stretch into eternity before Monday finally arrived.

77

Before her video went up she tweeted that she was "rattled" from Friday. It was a good thing the video came quickly after that, or he could have spent an hour analyzing that single word.

There she was, at his company, sitting in front of a window he had passed a thousand times. Until this moment he had to admit some doubts about this new reality, as if it were all an elaborate prank or merely a prolonged dream. This made it unequivocally real. She was there. And she was smiling.

It was another series of plunging lows and soaring highs. She didn't want to come here; she was forced into it by the demands of her schedule and the necessity of graduating on time. She didn't want to see Darcy. She had followed him on Twitter for that reason alone.

But she called Pemberley incredible. He leaned back and listened to her gush about his company while a peculiar warmth spread over him. Did it really matter what she thought about him, as long as she was happy at his company? He was contributing to her life, to her studies, in a positive way. He could hardly ask for more.

And then an all-too-familiar, "Hi!" met his ears. _Gigi._ What on earth was she doing?

Her mention of the videos made Lizzie highly uncomfortable. How could Gigi possibly think this was a good idea? And she was doing a very poor job at her tour duties. Of course she was. She had clearly only taken on the assignment because of Lizzie. Those unfortunate schoolchildren. Scowling, he picked up his phone to have a word with her – then decided to first watch the rest of the video and see just how disastrous his sister's interference had ultimately been.

Yet Lizzie seemed to have an overall positive impression of Gigi, and the staff at Pemberley in general. As she rhapsodized further on the company's amenities, the warm feeling returned, softening Darcy's frustration with his sister. She did express some confusion about how anyone could be aware of her videos and not be angry with her. Lizzie was always underestimating just how likable and charismatic she was.

Gigi relieved Lizzie's worries by admitting that she was in fact the only viewer of her videos. Darcy was more curious how long she intended to hide her identity. She certainly wasn't very adept at concealing it. Lizzie was likely to deduce it on her own soon enough.

A moot point. Gigi revealed herself just before leaving. Lizzie did not seem to take the revelation very well.

He looked at his phone, frowning. He needed to have a long talk with Gigi, but first….he could not resist. He started the video again and replayed all the moments when Lizzie praised Pemberley. And replayed them again. It was nearly 9:40 by the time he finally forced himself to shut the browser window and pick up his phone.

"Oh, William, hi!" came Gigi's peppy greeting after just the first ring. "Lizzie is so much fun! She's even better in person than in her videos."

He cleared his throat. "Good morning, Gigi. I'm glad you're not pretending ignorance about this, at least."

"What? I didn't do anything wrong."

"The lifeguard at the rooftop pool might feel otherwise."

"Oh, that was fine. I got them all herded together and back downstairs eventually."

Rather than pursue the unpleasant path of just how much time she meant by _eventually_ , he said, "I'm sure you're very pleased with yourself. But didn't you consider how it would affect Lizzie to be ambushed by my sister?"

"I didn't ambush her!"

"You didn't tell her the whole truth right away. And she was clearly uncomfortable when she learned who you were."

"Oh, she's fine. We've talked since then. She's cool with it."

"She might be concealing her discomfort. If you've done anything to make her stay at Pemberley unpleasant –"

"See, you are so _sweet_. Even from hundreds of miles away, you want to make sure she's happy."

"I am merely trying to make amends. And you will cease interfering before you ruin that attempt."

"Come on, William," Gigi said pleadingly, "I can help. Really. And speaking of hundreds of miles away," her voice turned sly, "any idea when you'll be heading back here?"

"Probably not for another week. Don't get any ideas, Gigi."

However, later that day after a successful set of meetings, he assessed his objectives and realized he could actually be finished within the next two days. Best not to let Gigi know. When Reynolds contacted him and asked if he could get back to San Francisco in time for a board meeting on Wednesday afternoon, he said yes.

He managed to fly back from Los Angeles, arrive at the board meeting and get through almost the entire agenda before receiving a suspicious text from Gigi. _Where are you?_

He never lied if he could help it. Resignedly he responded _Board meeting._

_HERE?_

_Yes._

_I knew it. You sneak._

_I'll see you afterwards. Take you out to dinner._

He knew Lizzie was somewhere in the building; it was a tantalizing thought that seldom left the forefront of his mind, but by the time he was done with the meeting she would surely be on her way out. She had openly expressed a concern about any awkward meetings, and he would respect that.

He underestimated Gigi's deviousness.


	9. Chapter 9

78

The next morning, Darcy still felt as if his feet weren't quite touching the ground, metaphorically floating from the effect of Lizzie's genuine smiles and the pleasant words she had spoken. Not just about him but _to_ him, face to face. He could still feel the phantom touch of her hand on his arm. He had pretended to be annoyed with Gigi at dinner last night just to temper the ridiculous ebullience swelling through his whole body. He couldn't show his sister how happy he was. She would get smug.

Would Lizzie include their meeting in her video? He had savored almost every instant of it, but she might have found it too awkward or embarrassing to share online. When the first few minutes contained nothing but Gigi and her obvious, clumsy ploys to distract and delay Lizzie, he thought this might be the case. But then it came, the moment when Gigi unceremoniously shoved him into the room.

The video didn't show Lizzie's expression when she got up to face him, but Darcy remembered it. She was flushed, wide-eyed and a little frantic. He probably looked much the same in his own subdued fashion. He seemed to forget how to move or speak beyond brief inanities. Two months of watching her online was nothing, nothing compared to actually standing beside her. Gigi was appallingly pushy and interfering when she forced them both to sit, but he had to admit, without her help he might have stood there dumbly for an hour.

Lizzie included their entire meeting, right until the moment she turned off the camera while he stood there in stunned wonder at her brief physical gesture. He scrutinized every moment, trying to view it now as an outsider rather than a participant. He watched himself, anxious for evidence that his attempts to become more personable were at least partly successful. He was moderately pleased.

For all his embarrassment, he was markedly warmer than in his past two videos, more responsive to her cues and reactions. She smiled several times over the course of their interaction; she didn't draw back when he leaned towards her or their arms brushed. She turned down his offer of a ride, but he told himself that was perfectly reasonable and not a sign that she still despised him. Did she recognize his hint that he was still watching her videos when he referred to the city's hills as unforgiving? She seemed a little bemused, but he couldn't guess. He didn't want to mention it outright for fear it would just make her uncomfortable.

 _Have a good day, Darcy…Thank you._ Two months ago, he could not have imagined her speaking those words to him. If he never saw her again, he could be reasonably content that this was their last meeting.

He would be far happier, of course, if he did see her again.

79

The previous evening Bing, Darcy and Gigi had gone out for dinner, and Bing had mentioned running into Lizzie earlier. He didn't say he had appeared in her video. Because he didn't know about the videos.

Darcy frowned at Lizzie's warning to her older sister. He had truly underestimated the strength of Jane's feelings if Lizzie feared to even mention Bing to her. His frown deepened at the tortuous turns of Lizzie and Bing's conversation. Neither could directly address their concerns, and so they talked circles around each other and misinterpreted every reference.

Darcy thought he could understand at least one thing on Bing's side, however. It wasn't from any particular thing he said; it was from his wistful expression and a general glumness that was highly uncharacteristic of him. Darcy had noticed that same glumness at dinner, however Bing tried to conceal it with his usual cheerfulness.

Bing still cared for Jane.

It was wretchedly bad timing, judging from what Jane had said while home for Thanksgiving. As Lizzie herself acknowledged, Jane may no longer be the sort of person who was well suited for Bing.

Knowing that his meddling had contributed greatly to Bing's current heartbreak, Darcy resolved not to interfere any further. Better not to mention Jane or anything related; better to let Bing recover in his own space.

He quickly discovered that Lizzie did not share this opinion.

80

Darcy felt far more ambivalent about this encounter than the one from last week. He and Lizzie had finally addressed certain matters that needed to be dealt with, to clear the air between them. He was glad for that. But it had not been comfortable or easy. He couldn't tell how Lizzie felt about it in the end. Perhaps her editing choices would reveal something?

No, her feelings were still an enigma. Her surprise at his costume change – pleased surprise, even? – was the only emotion she evidenced openly. Every other reaction was subdued and guarded. Was she disappointed to have him instead of the other Darcy sibling for her costume theater? Was she gratified that he understood and expanded upon her notion of hyper-mediation, or just confused? Did she derive any amusement from his dry quips about costumes and friends named Darvid? If so, she kept it well hidden.

Did she see any validity in his choices regarding Bing, or was she still prone to dismiss them as entirely wrong? She voiced her objections frankly, but that could be seen as a positive, a willingness to engage in a genuine discussion with him rather than restricting herself to empty, polite niceties.

He held her gaze just a little too long at the end. It was a weakness on his part; he was thinking too much of double meanings and of a certain other attachment that had been formed at Netherfield, one-sided though it was. Did she have any idea? Somehow she had remained blind to Darcy's affections before, but surely now she could not imagine that he was indifferent.

It was probably for the best that he left soon after that. If he had spent much longer in her presence, the intensity of his feelings would have betrayed him, and he would have caused her fresh pain in spite of all his resolutions.

81

Previously, he had visited Gigi at her desk only to find her hunched over a hand mirror, dabbing her smeared mascara with a tissue. In concern he asked what was bothering her, but she waved it off, saying she had just gotten something in her eye.

He found out the truth the next morning.

Perhaps Lizzie had taken Darcy's words to heart more than he assumed, if she too had decided not to interfere. Or perhaps she had reached this conclusion without his influence. But that was not the primary concern of this video. "Awkward" was indeed an apt title. This sort of trouble, he supposed, was inevitable with the three of them gathered together. Each had knowledge they could not share with the other two. Gigi and Bing knew how differently Darcy behaved when he wasn't around the woman who enraptured and confounded him. But they were both oblivious to the fact that not every family owned a private ski lodge.

Darcy recalled with a cringe his angry words about social classes. At the time he was thinking only of how Lizzie's status would affect him and his family's perceptions of the relationship. He had never considered how his wealth and status could be painful for _her_. How even someone as good-hearted as Gigi could flippantly mention an aspect of her lifestyle without any notion that it highlighted Lizzie's own relative poverty. That relative poverty had become insignificant on his side; all his reservations about social class were irrelevant when he could see that Lizzie was his moral superior in every regard. But he would not blame her if his social class were an insurmountable obstacle on her side. Never mind a romantic relationship. Perhaps it would prevent them from even becoming friends.

Lizzie, on the other hand, was privy to secrets of Gigi's that Bing had no idea of. Darcy could see the look of sympathy she surreptitiously extended to Gigi at the mention of her condo's pool, alongside Bing's confusion. And Gigi held herself together with remarkable strength until she could make her exit. He would call her immediately after this.

Finally, Bing eradicated any remaining doubts Darcy may have had about his feelings for Jane. He had fallen hard and fast for a number of women, but Darcy had never seen him pining this much after the relationship ended. It could have been the lack of resolution, of closure. Or it could be that Jane Bennet had captured his heart as no other woman had before.

He wondered if he would be getting an angry call from Bing once he finished putting the pieces together about Lizzie's videos. But then, Bing wasn't the type to get angry. In a way his sadness was harder to bear.


	10. Chapter 10

82

Gigi had not warned him about this.

Darcy watched in increasing alarm and concern as his little sister laid bare the wounds that had only just begun to heal. He watched Lizzie try to protect Gigi, and he loved her for it. He watched Gigi make it through the whole ordeal with only one breakdown, and he was proud of her. He watched Gigi speak frankly about why she had felt a kinship with Lizzie, and he hoped that whatever happened between himself and Lizzie, she and Gigi could always be friends.

He saw Lizzie's anxiety about how he would react and was frankly bewildered that she would be worried. Of course Darcy was not comfortable with Gigi's pain being aired on the Internet – he wouldn't be able to watch this one more than once – but it was her choice to make, not his. If she felt that it helped her gain some degree of control over her healing process, then she had the right to do it.

 _Your brother's going to kill me._ She had no idea. By this point, _love_ seemed an utterly inadequate word to express his feelings for Lizzie.

Darcy had done his best not to get his hopes up about their planned outing. Lizzie had shown some signs of reluctance, and he had no desire to make her feel obligated if she didn't truly want to go. It was Gigi's idea in the first place, though he assented to it as long as she promised to behave. The real question was whether Lizzie was willing.

"No, she wants to go, trust me," Gigi said as they sat at a late breakfast before starting off that Saturday morning. "She _likes_ you now."

"She likes you. Perhaps she is only going for your sake."

Gigi rolled her eyes enormously. "She wouldn't agree to spend a whole day around you just for my sake. _She likes you._ Can't you see that?"

"I have made the mistake of grossly misinterpreting her feelings in the past," he answered stiffly. "I'd rather not assume."

"Fine." Gigi bent over her phone, then let out a noise of delight. "Ha! See? I told you!"

She shoved her phone into his gaze, too close for him to make anything out.

"Would you kindly not push electronics in my face?" he said, pulling back. Then he halted, squinting at the screen. It was a tweet from Lizzie. _Today I get to see the city with ggdarcy and wmdarcy._

"Well, all right," he said as she pulled her phone back triumphantly.

"She _tweeted_ you, William!"

"Both of us, actually."

"Pfft. Did you see the hashtag? _Excited_. She's excited!"

"All right," he said again, keeping his face neutral.

"Argh. You're impossible!" Her thumbs, fast and furious, moved over her phone's screen.

Darcy dabbed his mouth and set down his napkin. "I'm going to put my contacts in."

"No, you can't!" Gigi said, rising frantically. "It's nearly 11. We don't want to be late."

"I have never been late in my life."

"So let's not risk breaking your record. Just – get on your shoes, and we'll go."

"All right," yet again, this time with an arched eyebrow. Was this related to some new scheme she was brewing? He was wary, but there couldn't be much harm in wearing his glasses today.

Gigi and her phone were inseparable for most of the day. In contrast Lizzie only pulled hers out once, at lunchtime, to briefly check her messages. Other than that, her attention was entirely focused on the tour - on the city, on Gigi's rambling descriptions, and yes, even on him.

He could not think of a single day he had spent more pleasantly than this one.

After they saw Lizzie off at the house where she was staying, Gigi nudged him pointedly. "Well?"

"It was a very nice day," he said mildly.

"I _told_ you she liked you."

He didn't contradict her this time.

On their way home Gigi showed him Lizzie's newest tweet. " _A great day._ Pretty glowing praise, right?"

"Mmm."

Darcy was unlocking the door to their home when she let out a gasp. "William."

"What now?" he said with a sigh. "Any more of this and you're going to start hyperventilating."

"No no no no no you have to see this. Get out your own phone and look, you dork."

He looked at her, raised his eyebrows and went inside.

"William!"

He took off his shoes and set them neatly in their place. Gigi followed him, begging and cajoling and berating.

At last he was seated on the sofa in the lounge. Then and only then did he have a look at the tweet that had Gigi on the verge of heart palpitations. _Thank you and Gigi for an awesome day._

She mentioned both him and his sister, but it was directed at him.

Somehow he managed to keep his hands steady enough to reply. _My pleasure_ he wrote, then amended it. _Our pleasure._ That was safer.

"Well?" Gigi plopped onto the sofa next to him. "Don't tell me you're calm about this."

He didn't answer, but a small, quiet smile spread across his face.

83

He scarcely had time to process the interview he had filmed with Lizzie before the video was posted. His hand was nowhere near steady as he clicked on the link.

Had she filmed the intro after he left? Calling it _the boring stuff_ was misleading if she filmed it after, but perhaps she was just being playful. She seemed in such a good mood, and he wanted to know if it was before or after he was with her – but she had been expecting him, so either way, his presence and her cheerfulness were connected.

He would have been happy enough if he hadn't ruined her good mood. But the thought that he might have caused her to be happy? He paused the video and got up to lock the door of his office, on the off chance that Gigi might pop in without knocking and catch him with an enormous grin on his face.

 _Gigi said you wanted me?_ It was only upon hearing the words secondhand that he realized the double meaning. No wonder Lizzie had been confused – her face slightly flushed, her eyes wide and unblinking –

He was not going to make it through this. Darcy stood, went to the private washroom that adjoined his office and splashed handfuls of cold water on his face and neck. It was overwhelming, but far more pleasant than the last time he needed such a treatment to get through a video. A far more pleasant sensation than anger and jealousy.

A few deep breaths, and he was finally able to sit down and press play again.

She smiled so much. She seemed so pleased that he was willing to take time for her. And then she brushed his shoulder when she got up to close the door, so casually, so naturally, with no idea of what her touch did to him.

Maybe she had some idea now. She cut out most of his reaction. How much time did she spend on that editing choice, studying his face as he struggled to contain the contrariety of emotions roiling through him? Did she see it and recognize it and decide to keep it private?

He still felt the ghost of her hand on him.

He had never been precisely comfortable during their interview, particularly while impersonating his sister and Fitz, but even the most uncomfortable moments brought some measure of pleasure in the form of Lizzie's positive responses. She smiled, she leaned toward him, and she finally laughed out loud, all because of him.

She complimented him. He could hardly formulate a response; her words filled his mind and left room for nothing else. So he redirected the praise at her, refused to let her hide behind her modesty. She needed to know how extraordinary she was. And she was bashful – was that really bashfulness, for _him_?

She apologized to him as well, if only in a roundabout way. Trying to see things from other perspectives. He was quick to assure her he was trying to do the same, and with that offered his own roundabout apology.

But the most promising sign was the fact that she teased him. _Aren't I supposed to be interviewing you?...Even when it leads indirectly to me calling you a newsie?...Come on, it's not like it's your first time._ He replayed those moments an alarming number of times, giddy with the meaning of this new development. If she felt enough at ease around him to be playful, that opened entire avenues of potential.

Which was why he, in turn, made an effort to be playful for her. He could barely watch himself in those costume theater portrayals, but he focused on Lizzie's face, her delight and amusement and pleasure.

If he were a man of less restraint – and if he hadn't been burned before – he would have moved in to kiss her as soon as she shut the camera off. Instead he took off the wig, smiled, and wished her a good day before leaving.

He shouldn't be thinking premature thoughts about stealing kisses. He could, however, make more reasonable plans. Heart pounding ridiculously, he pulled up the site for the theater box office.

84

He didn't have the chance to watch this video until Thursday evening. He had spent the last day and a half in a state of constant grim activity, making phone calls and sending emails and arguing with Gigi over the Domino demo and catching sleep in two and three hour snatches.

He could spare four minutes now, but he almost didn't watch it. It would serve no practical purpose; he already knew everything that might assist in his efforts. As for taking a personal indulgence, the chance to see Lizzie's face would bring him little pleasure when it came in the form of watching her mood sink from cheerfulness to misery.

In the end he watched it just to be thorough. He didn't dwell on that half-second that stretched into eternity, after he told her they would be going to the theater alone and before her phone alert went off. He didn't dwell on it. There was no good to be had in it. He saw it through, and then he put away his laptop and tried to sleep.

The image of Lizzie's pained face filled every corner of his mind.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just my random guess for what in the world Darcy could have done once he found Wickham. 
> 
> I'll be out of town (and without Internet) tomorrow, so the next chapter won't be up till the day after. Thanks for reading!

85

They had made some headway with tracking the company contacts, but there was still no trace of Wickham, which was a problem if he still had any copies of the tape. In addition, legal action or at least the threat of it would be useful in deterring Wickham from any similar acts in the future – and also required that they _find out where he was hiding_. Every dead end brought them closer to the deadline, and still no success.

Monday brought more dead ends, and another argument with Gigi. Not that he disputed her knowledge of Wickham; it gave a far more pointed direction to the search. He only feared what it had cost her to dredge up those memories.

It was nearly midnight by the time he gave up his search for the day and booked a room at one of the many hotels in Newport Beach. He fought off his exhaustion just long enough to get through Lizzie's video.

He hoped Gigi hadn't watched this. It was hard enough for him, seeing the agony in Lydia's face that was so familiar and yet worse, a deeper and more vicious betrayal.

She had absolutely not consented. That was useful information.

86

Lizzie blamed herself. He wanted to reach through the screen and assure her, over and over, that it was not her fault, that she was doing all she could and no one could expect more from her. But if she wanted his comfort, she could have called him. She had his phone number. No, Jane was a far more appropriate comforter, and far better at it.

The aftereffects of Wickham's wrongdoing continued to ripple through the entire Bennet family. First Lizzie had been compelled to cut short her shadowing, and now Jane had lost her position at work. Their father suffered the pain of being unable to help his daughter with his limited resources. Lydia's suffering was, of course, unfathomable. He could not repair all of these wrongs, or even most of them. As for the one thing he might be able to do for them – he would not rest until he had exhausted every resource to take down that website.

Jane recommended that Lizzie watch Lydia's videos, and Darcy suddenly realized that the recommendation could apply to him as well. They could tell him something about Wickham. If there was any chance of gathering more hints about his whereabouts, Darcy had to take it, no matter how unpleasant it would be.

Finding the time to watch Lydia's videos in one and two-minute snatches wasn't too difficult. Getting through them was another matter. And in the end they told him nothing about where Wickham may have fled. They did reveal just how artfully and ruthlessly he had manipulated Lydia, made her dependent upon him and abandoned her without a word.

87-88

He was on the road before dawn on Monday, making inquiries at every motel and resort he hadn't already visited. It was a long, fruitless morning, and the afternoon wasn't any better. Until he received a notification that changed everything.

He called Gigi on his way to Wickham's location. His urgency made his greeting harsher than he intended, and he had to assure her he wasn't angry. Certainly not at her. He had plenty of anger stored up for the one who deserved it.

Gigi seemed shaken, but not to the point of devastation. He had underestimated her. When all of this was over, they would need to have another talk, this time with more apologies on his side.

It wasn't over, though. The hardest part was yet to come.

Darcy took no pleasure in coming face to face with his adversary. From the moment Wickham unwittingly opened the door to him and backed away with stammering protests till the moment their business was done, Darcy felt nothing but a blistering fury and disgust and nausea.

"H-hey, Darcy….you don't understand…I didn't…."

"Hello, George," Darcy cut in grimly. "I understand you've been distributing certain materials without a certain participant's consent. My team of lawyers is on hand to prosecute." He pushed into the room, forcing Wickham to back up further. "You realize what will happen when they are successful. And they _will_ be successful."

Wickham's face twisted up as if he were preparing to fight, but then he went limp, deflated, and put up his hands. "What do you want from me?"

"All of the contact information for Novelty Exposures. And all of the copies of that tape."

Wickham swore up and down that he had given his only copy away, but Darcy insisted on searching the entire dingy apartment where he was staying. Ironic that he had exploited Lydia's trust for money, only to be forced to hide out in such unpleasant accommodations. Presumably he was waiting for his full cut of profits from the company so he could afford to flee somewhere more removed and comfortable. Darcy had found him not a moment too soon. No, _Gigi_ had found him.

He found only one suspect item, but it turned out to be an innocuous recording of an amateur band playing their instruments very badly. Darcy was relieved for multiple reasons. He had no wish to catch even a glimpse of Lydia's private moment.

Thankfully, by early evening one of Darcy's lawyers arrived, armed with the affidavits Wickham would be expected to sign if he wished to avoid a lawsuit. Darcy was free to go. He could not get out of there fast enough.

He spent Tuesday buried in the metaphorical paperwork of company acquisition, and Wednesday finalizing the deal. He could not find the words to express his satisfaction as the site was pulled down and replaced with a harmless placeholder.

No time to sit back and rejoice. Acquiring companies was usually the work of weeks or months, not mere days. The site was down; the tape was destroyed, but there were thousands of loose ends to tie up, not the least of which was smoothing over the inappropriateness of Pemberley acquiring a company like Novelty Exposures.

He managed to spare just half an hour on Thursday morning to catch up with Lizzie's videos.

Selfishly, he was glad he hadn't seen the first video on Monday before finding Wickham. His inability to offer any sort of relief at that point would have tortured him. As it was, he could see that taking down the site was only the beginning of what Lydia needed.

And there was only one way he could contribute to the process of Lydia's healing – staying away from the Bennet family.

He was alarmed and saddened by the extremes to which Wickham had distorted her perception of herself and those around her. Deeply grieved at how she blamed herself when it was clear she had no blame in the matter. Who in the world had accused her of ruining Lizzie's happiness by taking her away from Pemberley? How could they possibly imagine such a thing after watching all of Lizzie's videos? Who could doubt that, however Lizzie and Lydia argued and taunted each other as siblings often did, Lizzie cared for her sister intensely, that she had _chosen_ to drop everything and come home to her as soon as she realized Lydia was in trouble?

With just a few words and a desperate hug, Lizzie did more for Lydia than Darcy had done with all his lawyers and business acquisitions.

He feared that even by the next video they might not have realized the site was down, but Lydia allayed his fears. He didn't need their thanks; he just needed to know they knew. They knew. And Lydia was being cared for by the right people. Lizzie had her doubts about whether she could help her sister. Darcy had none.

He had to wonder if Gigi were watching the same videos he was when she actually suggested, during her last Domino demo, that he contact Lizzie. How could she possibly think that appropriate? Did she not see what an unpleasant shadow he had cast upon the lives of the Bennets? He would make amends, yes. But he would do it from a distance.

89

Bing gave Darcy a call about an hour after Lizzie's video went up.

"It's good to hear from you, Bing," Darcy said with half his mind still on Lizzie's vague, ambivalent, _Nice_ about her time at Pemberley. "How are your classes?"

"Uh, okay. I'm kind of on hiatus." Before Darcy had much time to reflect on the oddness of a medical school hiatus in the middle of February, Bing went on hurriedly, "Listen, Darcy. I watched Lizzie's videos. I mean, not all of them. Enough to get the picture."

Bing's rambling trailed off. Darcy knew he ought to say something to fill the silence, but he simply could not find the words.

"Um. Are you still there?"

"Yes. I apologize." Darcy cleared his throat. "I suppose I need to apologize for a great number of things."

"No, it's okay. I mean, maybe it's not. But, you know. I can let it go."

"You were never one for holding grudges," Darcy said quietly.

"So anyway," Bing went on, his voice shaking just a little, "after that last video, I started thinking. Maybe I should go see Jane."

"Are you asking my advice?" Darcy said guardedly. He appreciated his friend's respect for his judgment, but he could not in good conscience have any further involvement in this.

Bing gave a nervous laugh. "No. No. I'm going to see her. She deserves an apology from me – a real apology. I've already pretty much decided. I just thought you should know. Since I know you're watching Lizzie's videos. If I show up there, she might mention it at some point."

Darcy paused, then had to ask, "Why do you assume I'm watching –?"

"Come on, Darcy."

Darcy didn't answer.

"You know, if you want, you could come with me."

"Absolutely not," Darcy said swiftly, then softened his tone. "Thank you for the offer, however."

"I don't think that Jane will, uh, take me back." Bing didn't try to hide his glumness. "But she seemed confused, or something, when Lizzie mentioned me, so I thought I should at least talk to her in person. Work out what happened. What went wrong."

"Bing," Darcy broke in, "there's no need to justify it to me. I wish you all the luck in the world."

"Thanks," Bing said, brightening ever so slightly. "You too, Darcy. Talk to you later."

It wasn't until that afternoon, when Darcy indulged in a re-watch of a bleary-eyed Lizzie in pajamas, that he realized the meaning of Bing's _You too_. For what reason was Bing wishing _him_ luck?


	12. Chapter 12

90

Bing's arrival was not only mentioned; it was captured on video. Naturally.

Lizzie confronted him, and Darcy was uncomfortable for his friend's sake. But he knew it was a necessary confrontation. He was impressed with Bing's response. He had realized it was presumptuous to draw any conclusions until he talked with Jane herself.

The question was, would Jane want to talk to him?

He felt Bing's nervous anticipation almost as keenly as if it were his own. Could he help himself from drawing parallels between Bing's situation and his? If Jane could not forgive Bing for what he had done, Lizzie surely could not forgive Darcy his much greater wrongs.

But Jane did come down to talk eventually. Darcy doubted he would get any more information from Bing about their private discussion than Lizzie had gotten from Jane. And he didn't intend to pry, curious though he was.

Friends. Bing might have to content himself with that. It was more than Darcy had with – no, he was not going to pursue that line of thought any further.

At night, however, his unconscious mind betrayed him and filled his dreams with little else.

91

Lizzie must be feeling particularly antsy if she was insisting on costume theater. Jane did not look to be enjoying it very much.

Darcy was restless as well. He was beginning to think he would be better off not watching any more of Lizzie's videos. He knew that she was well and her family was recovering as much as could be expected. That should be sufficient. And seeing her face on a screen twice a week, close enough to touch and infinitely out of his reach, was almost worse than not seeing her at all.

Almost, but not quite. So he kept watching.

She hadn't even mentioned him since leaving Pemberley except in reference to Bing and Jane's estrangement. It was for the best. She had enough complications in her life with her sisters. When he learned of Jane's move to New York and his phone rang immediately after, he picked it up with the calm assumption of hearing from Bing.

Instead, it was Gigi.

"Hi, William! How are you? How's….work?"

"You want to know if I've seen the video," Darcy said in measured tones.

"Well….I know I promised not to interfere….but come _on_ , William! You saw her talking about you, right?"

"About me?" he repeated in confusion.

"Okay, not directly, but she was definitely thinking about you."

"That seems a rather contorted interpretation of her words."

"No it's not! When she was talking about those what-ifs? That was totally about you, William. You and Lizzie. She said _we_ , not them."

"She was speaking for Bing and Jane," Darcy said, growing exasperated. "Gigi, you need to stop trying to fit the truth into what you want it to be. I told you to leave this alone. Please respect my wishes."

"Fine. Fine. But I'm registering my official protest."

"Duly noted. Dinner tonight?"

"Yup."

92

He did hear from Bing eventually, though not until Wednesday. His friend had a peculiar tone to his voice when he greeted him, and Darcy couldn't quite place it until Bing said in a rush, "I'mgoingtoNewYorktobewithJane." Then he recognized the barely contained glee.

"I'm...very happy for you," Darcy said. If Bing could see him, Darcy's frown would have betrayed his words. "But how –?"

"It's going to be in Lizzie's video tomorrow," Bing said. "It'll explain everything. I just thought I'd give you a head's up."

"Thank you. I trust this means the two of you have worked things out adequately."

"More than adequately," Bing said, obviously brimming with happiness. "I mean, we've still got a lot to talk about, but we're in a much better place."

"That's good. I am very happy for both of you," and this time Darcy meant it with all sincerity. "I do have to ask if your studies –"

"Watch the video tomorrow," Bing said quickly. "I hope you – well, I made my choice. And I'm really happy with it."

Bing's warning notwithstanding, there were quite a few surprises in the video the next day. However, once Darcy had recovered from the realization that he was not nearly as aware of Bing's inner struggles as he had assumed, he was very, very glad for his friend.

93

Darcy was right, and Gigi was wrong. He did not take a particle of pleasure in this.

Lizzie didn't want to talk about him. There was nothing more to say about him. She had been re-watching her videos, and the conclusion she had drawn was that he was just someone she used to complain about, someone who brought up bad memories she couldn't possibly be nostalgic about. She didn't consider them friends.

It was true. Friends did not part from each other and never make any attempt to contact one another.

94

Darcy could not be angry at Lydia for betraying his secret, not when he could see it was part of her own healing process. He was unhappy, however, to see that Lizzie's response was just as feared – doubt, confusion, even dismay. She did not like the thought of being indebted to him. She felt an obligation, and she didn't know what to do about it. As for Lydia's suggestion that she talk to Darcy, Lizzie seemed to think it the height of absurdity.

He could not obsess over this. He had two weeks worth of neglected responsibilities to catch up on, and a business trip to prepare for. He simply could not afford to spend every waking moment analyzing Lizzie's every word and expression for the umpteenth time.

95

Impending flight to Chicago notwithstanding, Darcy spared ten minutes to watch the video. He entertained faint hopes that Lizzie would elaborate on her feelings regarding this new revelation – and perhaps express something other than dismay – but the start of the video was discouraging. She behaved as if the last video hadn't even happened.

Then Caroline showed up, and Darcy's name was mentioned with alarming frequency.

He watched it again, unsure what he was searching for, unsure what he felt. Lizzie was at times impassive, calmly responding to Caroline's extravagant threats, and at times outraged. Angry that Caroline accused her of seducing him, or angry that Caroline was associating the two of them together at all?

He had no time to be angry with Caroline. She was trying to regain control over a world slipping rapidly from her grasp. Her reaction was irrational and near-childish, but he really had little thought to spare for her at the moment. Not when Lizzie was glancing nervously at the screen as if she knew he was watching, not when she said something so ambiguous and yet so full of possibility. _You know who's in charge of Darcy's life? Darcy. And you know who's in charge of my life? Me._

Perhaps he was only grasping at straws, as desperate and irrational as Caroline. Yet he could not deny that it was the most favorable thing he had heard, for some time now, in regards to Lizzie's feelings for him. In spite of all his better judgment, he allowed a miniscule seed of hope to begin sprouting again.

The alarm rang on his phone, reminding him that he had a plane to catch, and he was forced to put off any further viewings until he had arrived in Chicago, finished his first round of meetings and settled into his hotel room for the evening.

He lost track of how many times he watched it over the course of Monday and Tuesday.


	13. Chapter 13

96

Lizzie called him in the middle of an afternoon meeting on Wednesday.

Darcy's phone was tucked away in his bag. He had arranged for his business calls to be directed to Reynolds while he was in Chicago, and he wasn't expecting any personal calls in the middle of the day. He didn't check his messages until nine-thirty that night.

When he finally pulled out his phone, he had to sit down, shakily, before his legs gave out beneath him. He didn't even listen to the message at first, just staring dumbly at her name. Lizzie Bennet.

Lizzie Bennet. When he was first falling in love with her, he tended to refer to her by her entire name. It wasn't on purpose; it just seemed that the sheer scope of her brilliance, her charm, her lively beauty, could not be contained with a mere _Lizzie_ as if she were like every other regular, ordinary Lizzie in the world.

When he was really, deeply in love and knew her better, _Lizzie_ no longer seemed inadequate. It was intimate, her self-chosen identity, a single word that spoke of a thousand bewildering, wonderful, dizzying facets. He loved each and every part of her. He loved her name. Yes, he was just that addled. The mere mention – the mere _thought_ of her name, and his heart raced at dangerously high speeds, his body rushed with unbearable heat, and he almost – no, certainly – no, most assuredly – smiled.

He finally put the phone to his ear and listened to the message. After hearing her voice speak his name, he didn't register a single word. He replayed it, and immediately got lost again. He managed to glean most of the full meaning after the fourth time. Not that there was much to glean. She sounded nervous, overcompensating with a peppy energy. What did she fear? What did she mean by _chat_?

He played it again as if he could have possibly missed anything. He played it a sixth time for no reason at all.

He checked the time. Nearly ten o'clock. Too late to return the call. No, it was only eight in California. It didn't matter. A mere phone call could not suffice.

But wasn't it rude not to offer some sort of immediate response? He pulled out a sheet of paper and tried to compose a brief message. To explain that he was out of state, but would be happy to speak with her in person as soon as he returned.

Every word was wrong. The tone was at once over-formal and yet casually friendly, conveying nothing of the intensity and urgency of his feelings. And how could he speak of such things to a faceless phone, to wonder if she was scowling or rolling her eyes or silently laughing while she listened on the other end? He needed to see her. It was perhaps as selfish a thing as he'd ever felt, but it was undeniable.

He was not due to return to San Francisco until Monday, but a glance at his trip itinerary told him he could shave off a day or two. He had nothing scheduled for Sunday. He changed his flight plans at once.

He slept perhaps a total of three hours.

Sleep-deprived and distracted, he forgot about the time difference and wondered why there was no video at 9:00 the next morning. The extra wait was one more element of torture on top of everything else.

He thought her video might contain a reference to the phone call. He didn't expect the actual call to be captured on film, or that it was in fact the climax of the entire video. He couldn't recall the last time she had filmed a video entirely alone. More importantly, he couldn't believe the video's entire focus was on _him_.

Was his absence from her life really so cryptic? He thought it was evident from Lydia's situation that his presence would only bring more pain to their family. He would have come if Lizzie invited him, but she had not. She had shown no sign until now that she would want him to be in contact with her. At least, he had not recognized any signs. Had he completely misread her yet again?

He hoped Gigi wouldn't be too smug if it turned out that she was right. But mostly, this was a situation in which he would rejoice in being wrong.

Darcy wasn't sure how he managed to get through the remainder of his trip with any degree of productivity. Somehow the knowledge that he was taking action, that he would know one way or the other in just a few days, kept him going. He spent what spare time he had in the evenings re-watching the videos from Pemberley. He had not been able to bear it before, but now he allowed himself to indulge in the memory of her occasional touches, her warmth and her constant smiles.

He fell asleep late Saturday night in the middle of his third time through the 83rd episode. He woke early Sunday morning before his alarm went off, sitting up straight in bed with a pounding heart. Even his subconscious, it seemed, was hyper-aware.

He dozed on and off during the plane fight, always waking with a startled violence. He ate the food the flight attendant served him without being the slightest bit aware of what it was, and when the plane finally touched down, he wondered if he dared pick up a rental car and drive to Lizzie's home when he hadn't gotten a full night of sleep in at least a week. Maybe a month. Maybe ever since he'd fallen in love with Lizzie.

He took a cab.

When Charlotte Lu answered the door, he feared he had hallucinated and directed the cab to the wrong house. She just smiled knowingly, let him inside and showed him to the den.

97

For the first time Darcy was afforded the rare privilege of seeing the footage of a video alongside Lizzie, before anyone else. It was not quite the pleasant experience he would have hoped, not when Lizzie spent the first half of the video in such obvious misery. He would have ended his business trip on Wednesday if he had known just how much she was suffering.

But all was forgiven now. After the footage had been sent to Charlotte, Lizzie put away her laptop, curled up with him once more and sighed in contentment. He could not stop gazing at her. And at last, at last, he didn't have to try to stop.

"I should tell you," he said softly, "even though you may already know, that you are the most beautiful woman of my acquaintance."

She buried her face in his chest. "So cheesy," came her muffled groan.

"Sorry," he said with a slight frown.

"No." She peeked up at him, grinning. "I love it. I think you've pretty much made amends for the whole 'decent enough' debacle."

He gave her a look of true pain. "It will take more than a few words to make amends for that. I was deeply, deeply unkind."

"Yeah, but you were being honest, weren't you?"

"I was blind."

"I was blind much longer."

"Is this a contest?" he asked.

"If it is, I'm the loser."

He kissed her forehead because he wanted to and because he could. Laughing, she brought him in for a real kiss, and he drifted once more into a dream-like bliss at the feel of her lips on his, warm and soft and eager. He had wanted to kiss her for so many months, kiss her and hold her and run his hands through her hair and feel her skin on his – spent so many idle moments imagining what it would be like, if only.

Reality surpassed every expectation.

Strange details stood out to him. He had not accounted for the messiness, the way their noses sort of smashed into each other before they settled into a comfortable place. He hadn't known that her breath would hitch, tantalizingly, and then she would pull him closer as if she couldn't stand to have any space between them. He hadn't known she would play with his tie and that it would drive him wild. He hadn't known that she would whisper his name, _William_ , and it was so heavy with meaning and intimacy and yet so light with the freedom of openness and honesty, so that he wanted to kiss her again and he could and he did.

Her kisses confounded him. Miraculously, it seemed that his kisses did the same to her.

He delighted in distracting her the next morning while she tried to upload the video, leaning over her shoulder and lightly grazing her cheek with his. She swatted at him. "Stop it. I'll have hordes of furious viewers out for my blood if I don't get this up on time."

"You'll have hordes of furious viewers after the video goes up."

"True enough."

Once the video was uploaded they sat, hands entwined, and watched it again with everyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will conclude the story. Chapter 15 is a bonus chapter, my version of Darcy's letter. Thanks again for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is, happy and fluffy stuff from someone who's watched episode 98 waaaay too many times. Bonus chapter tomorrow. Thanks again for reading!!

98

"I need to film some kind of intro," Lizzie said on Wednesday.

"Do you really think they need an explanation? They've all seen the last video."

"Mmm. But I want to have a little fun with them.

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you planning on further torture?"

"Just a smidge."

He watched with his arms folded, mouth curled slightly upward, as Lizzie sat down in front the camera and tried to pretend this video would be about how her viewers were faring. She burst into helpless laughter before she could finish the first full sentence.

"Okay, okay," she said, gasping for breath, "I'll get this. I will. Just – stop it."

"Stop what?" he said in perfect innocence.

" _You know._ You're very distracting."

"I can leave," he said, making as if to head for the door.

"Don't you dare." She got up to make a minor adjustment to the frame. "We're editing this thing together, remember?"

"Editing isn't really my area of expertise."

"Yes, but I want you sitting next to me so I can kiss you for real when I kiss you onscreen." She came to him, steered him toward the sofa and sat him down. "Now stop smirking and let me get through this."

He was sure his mouth was perfectly straight this time, but she blamed him for ruining the next take as well. Finally, however, she filmed something satisfactory. "It's kind of giggly, but it'll have to do. Now let's put it all together."

"I don't think I need to cut anything," she said musingly as they watched the footage play out. "Do you mind if I keep it all in?"

"Not in the least." The last few days had made him so happy, so absurdly giddy, that he found everything agreeable. He had even teased Gigi's impatience today by liking, but not responding to, her desperate tweet begging him to call her. Lizzie had him behaving downright impishly.

"Running a personal video blog has certainly had its ups and downs," she went on, watching her decidedly non-verbal response to his confession of his feelings, "but it's kind of nice to have our first three kisses caught on camera, isn't it?"

"Four," he corrected absently, while onscreen Darcy returned the kiss with an ardent ferocity.

"What are you talking about? It's three. I kissed you, you kissed me, and then we kissed each other."

"I kissed you twice. Don't you remember?"

"I do remember, and we also have footage of it. Look." She rewound the video and let the second kiss play out again. One kiss."

"But we broke apart for a moment. That part at the end constitutes a new kiss."

"That is the strangest thing I ever heard. We didn't even break apart totally." She rewound again, found the moment and paused it. "Our lips are still touching, see?"

"It was a new kiss," he said stubbornly. "You even smiled in between the two."

"I can smile in the middle of a kiss."

"Would you care to prove it?"

By the time they were done experimenting, their argument seemed irrelevant.

"The look on your face," he said, somewhat out of breath as he glanced down at the laptop that had ended up on the floor.

"What about it?" Her eyes were closed, her mouth curved up in a dreamy smile.

"When I told you that my feelings hadn't changed. I couldn't see it properly at the time, but now I can see it from the camera's perspective. I – I love watching the alteration," he confessed. "From pain to hope in an instant."

"I love the way you look after I kissed you," she said, opening her eyes and looking – was it possible? – somehow bashful. "Like you think you're in the middle of a dream, and you're afraid to wake up."

"I love your middle-of _and_ in-between kisses smiles."

"I love the way you say 'illumination' and give me goosebumps."

She was practically sitting in his lap at this point, and he glanced down at the computer again. "This may have been a mistake. Perhaps we should let Charlotte edit this one after all."

"No, no, we can handle it. We have self-control, right?"

They had no self-control. But they did have all day to edit the video, and that was just enough time to have it ready by Thursday morning.

Questions and Answers

"I'm afraid I'll need a few hours to catch up on work tomorrow," Darcy said after the video went up. "Without any distractions."

"You're accusing _me_ of distracting _you_?" she said in pretended offense. At least, he hoped it was pretended.

"I'd say we have roughly an equal share of blame there."

"Fair enough." She kissed his nose. "Okay, I can spare you for a few hours. I've been thinking I should film another question and answer video anyway."

"That should work out well for both of us, then. Shall we meet at, say, eleven o'clock?"

She nodded just as Darcy's phone rang. "Gigi," they both said at once.

"Do you want to get it?" Lizzie asked.

He let out a long-suffering sigh. "No sense in putting it off."

He answered the call and put it on speakerphone. "Good morning, Gigi."

" _William!?_ " Even with the phone positioned on the arm of the sofa, the shriek was ear-piercing.

"Is everything all right?" he asked mildly.

"You and Lizzie! This is so perfect; I can't even be mad at you for hiding it and driving me _crazy_. Well, not that mad. You have to tell her I'm so excited and happy and –"

"Hi, Gigi," Lizzie said, barely containing her laughter.

"Lizzie?! Oh, you're right there with him, that's so amazing. I can just imagine it. Wait, no, I don't want to – okay, never mind. I'm so, so happy. And William, I _told_ you so. He wouldn't believe me, Lizzie, he thought he should stay away, like an _idiot_ –"

"I could hang up now," Darcy said.

"Fine. Sorry. Anyway, this is so exciting, I can't even sit still, seriously, and that video, I think I actually screamed –"

Darcy cleared his throat. "Please try not to frighten your co-workers."

"Haha. So, are you going to stay there a while? No rush!" she went on hurriedly. "Take your time. Just wondering."

Darcy exchanged glances with Lizzie. She gave him a wistful little smile. "A few more days, at least. But I'll certainly have to be back by April."

" _April_? Oh, wow. I was thinking like next week at the latest. Lizzie, you should know that William _never_ stops working. Even on vacation, he's always glued to his computer."

"I know," Lizzie said. Now her smile had turned smug with just a promise of something else.

Darcy cleared his throat again. "It's been good hearing from you, Gigi, but we can't spare too much time at the moment. Lizzie's been busy with her thesis, you know." Right now she was very busy running her hand up and down the back of his neck.

"Right. Her _thesis_. I'll let you guys get back to that. Love you, William."

"I love you too, Gigi. We'll talk again soon."

As soon as the call ended, they found plenty to keep them busy.

The next morning, the incentive of spending the rest of the day with Lizzie brought Darcy's productivity to new levels. He was finished nearly a half hour earlier than he expected, and got her phone call just as he was showing up at her door.

He was pleased for the opportunity to ask a question of his own during her video. Irrational as it was, he couldn't help doubting until she assured him that she would, in fact, have gone to the theater with him. Her favorable response helped strengthen his resolve to ask her another, more important question sometime soon.

But just because he was pondering serious things didn't mean he couldn't also be playful.

That evening while they were going over the footage, Lizzie smirked and said, "You know this is going to kill my viewers, right?"

"That may have been a secondary goal," he acknowledged.

"What was the primary goal?"

"To make you smile."

99

 _My name is William Darcy, and Lizzie Bennet is amazing_. That was all he really wanted to say; he had no plans beyond that. He should have realized he would need more of an introduction. But Lizzie filled in the holes as deftly as she always did. He became more at ease once he focused on her, the camera becoming a mere afterthought.

They probably should have had the camera a little more in mind at one point, but editing would fix that.

He hadn't necessarily planned on making his proposition right then in her video, but as the conversation progressed it seemed like the right time. And then she turned him down.

He was deflated but almost immediately recognized that she was right, and respected her all the more for it. Her own plans evinced a spirit of enterprise and boldness and everything he loved about her. The fact that she was setting up her company in San Francisco was, of course, a considerable factor in her plans' favor.

The future was bright, they were working to mend the mistakes of the past, and the present included a romantic candlelit dinner (that might or might not involve his aunt, and he had no intention of telling her until he had driven her to distraction with the suspense). A year ago Darcy thought that he was reasonably content with his life. He had no idea.

Late that evening they sat together, her head settled comfortably against his shoulder, while he caught up with his email and Lizzie tweaked the final edits of her video. She was in her pajamas, hair messily tied up behind her head, and he could not express how happy it made him to have her so comfortable, so uninhibited in his presence. She actually apologized for looking sloppy, and he just slipped the straying strands of hair behind her ear and said, "Don't. You never need apologize for that."

"You never look sloppy," she said, and he raised his eyebrows. "Okay," she admitted, "but that's different. I'm usually the one loosening your tie and rumpling your hair."

"That makes it all the more enjoyable."

She returned his smoldering gaze with a teasing, "Don't you have email to check?"

They sat in companionable silence broken only by the dual keyboard clacks of their laptops, until Lizzie nudged him. "You know, I really think you should watch this."

"What is it?" he said absently as he scanned his personal email account, finding six messages from Gigi and four from Fitz. He slipped his eyes from his screen to hers only to be confronted with the unpleasant sight of his own scowling face from that horrible day back in the fall.

"Why on earth would I want to watch that?" he asked, horrified. "Why would you want me to?"

"Because I think it's worth seeing how far we've come. Really. Watch this, and then watch the newest video."

He assented, reluctantly. He could not help his entire body from stiffening as his past self blundered through a thoughtless, harsh confession and exchanged angry retorts with a wounded Lizzie. He flinched, frowned, and felt his chin pulling tighter and tighter into his neck.

Lizzie let out a ragged breath afterwards. She was as shaken as he was. "Yeah. But now, this." She played the finished cut of the new video.

Yes, they had come a long way. His tension eased, and he settled closer to Lizzie, putting his arm around her, while he watched the two of them share their space with a familiarity and ease that would have seemed impossible in October. _He_ had come a long way, and though he would never be as natural on camera as Lizzie was, he felt natural around her. That was all he wanted.

100

He was troubled when Lizzie told him she had decided this would be her last video. "Is this because of our relationship?" he had to ask. "You shouldn't have to change anything in your life for my sake."

"First of all," she replied, taking his hand across the little table of the café where they had gone for brunch, "yes, I _can_ change some things for your sake. You've certainly changed plenty for my sake. Change isn't all bad, and isn't a healthy relationship all about give and take? You're not demanding anything or manipulating me. Trust me, I know the difference."

"Yes….but these videos are so important to you. They're the foundation of your career. They give you an opportunity to display all your best talents. They –"

"Okay," Lizzie said, "I'm going to stop you before all these compliments swell up my head to the point of exploding. Not that I don't enjoy it." She gave a sly grin. "Believe it or not, there are other factors influencing my choices besides you."

He ducked his head, ashamed. "Of course. I shouldn't have assumed."

"It's fine. You're definitely a huge part of my life. No need to apologize about that." She squeezed his hand tighter. "100 is a nice even number to end on. And I can end on a high note. I'm starting a lot of new, exciting things. Our relationship, yes, but I'm also graduating, starting a company, moving to a new place – lots of beginnings." She nibbled reflectively on a sweet roll. "Which means lots of endings. So I'm ending these videos. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop making content. It's just not going to be quite as personal or invasive. Does that make sense?"

"Absolutely."

"Not to mention," she added with a laugh, "how can I write up a report on my thesis project if it's incomplete?"

"Fair point."

They both agreed there would be a nice symmetry if her videos started as they began, with just her and Charlotte and maybe a little cameo from Lydia. While she was filming, he lingered at the café and finalized his flight plans for Friday.

Gigi and Fitz wanted to know the arrival time, since they insisted on meeting him at the airport and accompanying him home. They seemed to believe he would be utterly bereft upon his separation from Lizzie, needing constant company and attention. He appreciated their concern, absurd though it was. He would certainly feel low at the thought of six weeks apart from her, but the future was too bright to fall into despondency. Six weeks was nothing to half a year of hopeless pining.

He got a call from Lizzie an hour or so after she left to film. Her voice had a peculiar note of panic in it. "Is everything all right?" he asked. "Do you want me to come over?"

"I'm….not sure." She sounded distracted. He thought he could hear someone talking in the background. It didn't sound like Charlotte.

"Did something go wrong during the video?"

"No, no. The video's good. I'm happy with it."

"Then what is it?"

She cleared her throat. "My mom walked in at the very end of our filming."

" _Oh_."

The storm blew over with less havoc than they feared. Mrs. Bennet didn't have the slightest idea what a video blog was, though she was beginning to understand that Lizzie had some degree of prominence in certain circles of the Internet. This revelation, surprisingly, made her almost as proud as the fact that Lizzie had "snagged the richest and handsomest of rich, handsome single young men" (a statement Lizzie delighted in repeating around Darcy solely to make him blush a fiery red and wish for oblivion).

He decided to wait to watch the finished cut until it was uploaded on Thursday morning. "I might as well get used to it," he said. "Once your company starts producing content, I can't expect to enjoy any early private viewings. It would constitute a conflict of interest, after all."

Lizzie stood on her tiptoes and fingered his tie. "You make business jargon sound _hot_."

Thursday passed with alarming swiftness, but he could not have imagined a better way to spend their last full day together before his departure. In the morning they viewed the video and watched the comments and kind wishes pour in. Lizzie was in tears, but she insisted they were happy tears. Afterward, they took a long walk, talking about everything from digital media to Tolstoy to apartment hunting in San Francisco. In the evening they went out for dinner with Lydia and Charlotte, celebrating happy endings and new beginnings. Even a bizarre appearance from Collins could not completely mar Darcy's enjoyment of the day.

He did feel a pang, after he and Lizzie had shared a long goodbye at the airport, to think that there would be no new video on Monday. For months the videos had been his only connection to her. They had been a multitude of things for him. They had anchored him, taught him, rebuked him and improved him.

It was no small consolation to recall that he could call her any time he wanted, use the Domino app and see her face respond happily to his, hear intimate words for his ears alone. But he also looked forward to the start of her company and the creation of new videos. He couldn't wait to see what sort of illuminating content Lizzie would produce next.


	15. Bonus - Darcy's letter

To Lizzie Bennet –

You will be reluctant, I am sure, to peruse anything written by my hand. So let me first assure you that this letter contains no repetition of those words which were so repellent to you upon our last meeting. I have no wish to wound you further, and would not trouble you at all if I did not feel obligated to clarify certain points upon which I fear you have only partial knowledge or misinformation.

Your accusations toward me were largely concerned with two matters: the dissolving of your sister and Bing's relationship, and the ruination of George Wickham. To strip a lifelong family friend of his promised inheritance and leave him to poverty would be a far more serious misdeed than ending a relationship of only a few months, but I will address the issue of Bing and Jane with all the attention you feel it deserves. There is much I know now of which I was unaware before watching your videos. Let me preface my explanation by disclosing the fact that Bing has always had a habit of forming romantic attachments rapidly and with little thought. His easy-going, affectionate nature is one of his most admirable traits, but it has led to trouble in the past. More than one woman has secured his affections with less than pure motives, and if his sister and I have become over-protective in our wish to prevent further heartbreak, I hope you will attribute it to the best of intentions.

And so I observed your sister carefully from the very onset of their relationship. I realize now that her lack of open emotion was a product of her reserved nature and diffidence rather than apathy, but at the time it seemed evidence that she was only allowing Bing to pursue her out of kindness and a wish to please her mother. Your mother's pleasure at the pairing, you must acknowledge, was frequently connected with Bing's wealth and status. If I had seen more evidence of Jane's affection I would have been more lenient toward your mother and your younger sister's inappropriate behaviors, but it was difficult to feel indulgent when Jane showed so little enthusiasm herself. I could only assume that another heartbreak was imminent. And so I took measures to prevent it.

I see now that I was mistaken about the extent of Jane's feelings, but I must inform you about Bing's response. For all his social ease and affability, he is not a confident man. He expressed doubts about their relationship quite frequently, fearing that he had misinterpreted Jane's behavior or made some sort of mistake in his manner of courtship. He regularly asked for my advice, and when, after his birthday party, his sister and I suggested that Jane was not invested in the relationship as he was, it took very little to convince him to leave for Los Angeles.

I was of course unaware that our departure would prove such a blow for Jane, and I would not have had it so, had I known better. I will only say that the ease with which we took Bing away from Netherfield would indicate that he was himself not as invested in the relationship as any of us believed. Such uncertainty would have inevitably led to problems had their relationship continued any further. As much pain as resulted from their separation, it may have prevented worse pain in the future.

I will now turn to the other, more serious matter of George Wickham. Until I watched your videos I was unaware of the extent of his distortions of the truth. Allow me to lay out for you the entirety of our acquaintance. He was the son of a man employed by my father, and the closest I ever had to a brother. My own parents were excessively fond of him and set up a college fund for him at the same time as mine. We grew up side by side, and he enjoyed most of the benefits of a lifestyle far beyond his own family's income and social standing. I do not wish to censure my parents' choices, but perhaps it was a disservice to George to offer him the privilege of wealth without any of its requisite responsibilities. He came to take many things for granted, and developed a sense of entitlement which soured our friendship.

As his peer I was also aware of certain behaviors that he was better able to conceal from my parents. George was charming, but he frequently used that charm to manipulate people and get his own way without earning it. In his teen years he developed a number of unpleasant habits; I won't trouble you with the details. You only need know they were expensive habits, and he frequently came to me to borrow money. He seldom repaid his debts. For the sake of my parents and our longtime friendship, I tolerated these unsavory behaviors, but I will not deny my relief when I completed high school and prepared for college, where I could find some measure of peace far away from George Wickham and the phantoms of my childhood.

Unfortunately, by this time my parents had passed away, and the duty of dispersing George's college fund fell to me. I wanted nothing more to do with him, but again for my parents' sake I followed through with their wishes and offered to make the payments directly to George's chosen university. He said he preferred to manage the money himself. I very much doubted his financial responsibility, but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, in honor of what our relationship had once been. I confess it also lifted the burden from my shoulders of any further dealings with George. At the time I was attempting to pursue an accelerated course of study to earn my degree and take the reins of the family company as expeditiously as possible. Letting George deal with his own money gave me one less thing to worry about.

I'm sure you have already noted some of the disparities between my account and George's. Allow me to acknowledge that his tale was not without some truth. The events he related to you occurred not at the onset of his college career, but after his first year. He contacted me then to explain that he needed additional funds to complete his education. When I inquired how much, the truth came out. He had spent the entirety of his fund during a single year.

Such a thoughtless waste of his fund seemed, to me, a tremendous insult to my parents' memory. It was clear that any further payments would not contribute to his education in the least, and I refused to give another penny. We exchanged many harsh words, and whatever had remained of our friendship was thoroughly eradicated. I hope you see that my judgment of George's worthiness was not nearly as arbitrary as he would have had you believe.

All contact ceased between us. I was not sorry to have him out of my life, childhood memories notwithstanding. I am sure his habits and lack of responsibility led him into worse and worse financial straits, but I never expected his desperation would lead him, last year, to prey upon my own sister.

As you yourself know, George has a particular talent for gaining women's affections. Whether he actually deserves them is another matter. My sister Gigi had always been very fond of him as a child, and she was too young to be aware of his vices. I confess I kept all of that from her, as well as the details of our falling-out, in the hopes of shielding her. Perhaps that made his plan all the easier. He went to the university where she was studying and quickly insinuated his way into her life. As he was a swimming coach and she was aspiring to join the college swim team, he had the perfect opportunity to spend long hours alone with her and encourage her affection into what she believed to be ardent love. Before long he was living with her, and I can only assume he would have continued to drain her both financially and emotionally if I had not discovered their relationship.

But this served his purposes as well. By showing me how easily he had ensnared her, he had his revenge on me. Though I used every means in my power to get George Wickham out of her life, the damage was already done. She was at turns furious with me and devastated by George's betrayal, and though some months have passed she is still only beginning to heal.

I hope you will not think me so reprehensible as to fabricate such events to gratify my own pride. If you truly wish to verify my accounts you are free to contact Fitz, who is aware of George Wickham's true character if not every particular of his story. I confess that I would prefer if you trusted my own word. I do not wish to vaunt my own character. Your videos have taught me to view myself with a far more critical eye, and I recognize that it was my poor behavior that encouraged you to trust George's word immediately when he spoke ill of me. I offer you the truth because you deserve it, and I would not have you fall prey to George's manipulations as so many others have – myself included.

I apologize once again for the pain I have caused you; I will not trouble you further. I wish you all the best in life. You deserve nothing less.

Sincerely,

William Darcy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it! Thanks so much for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos. I'll be sure to put up some more fics now that this one is done. Hope you enjoy them!


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